Sabbath Walk

Friday, August 30, 2013

The Call to Worship (CW)

TITLE: THE CALL TO WORSHIP (CW)
SCRIPTURE: Matthew 24:30-31
Written by: Dr Conrade Yap
Date: Aug 30th, 2013

30“Then will appear the sign of the Son of Man in heaven. And then all the peoples of the earth will mourn when they see the Son of Man coming on the clouds of heaven, with power and great glory. 31And he will send his angels with a loud trumpet call, and they will gather his elect from the four winds, from one end of the heavens to the other." (Matthew 24:30-31)

Key Point: Do not let our Call to Worship begin with a focus on man's needs. It needs to focus on the character of God. It is a call, not a request. It is a proclamation of God, not an appropriation of God for the purposes of man.

"Good morning! Let us rise and read the call to worship," says the worship leader.

Seems quite normal and familiar right? Now, something does not seem quite right with that. What's wrong with that? Here is what's wrong.

A) What is the Call to Worship?

A call to worship (CW) is not about begging people to read something together. Neither is it merely getting people to read something in order to get the worship going. It is also not a form of "warm up" to the rest of the worship service. Instead, it is a rousing exclamation to all believers to come and worship. Note the passage above about the coming of the Son of Man. The angels appear with a "loud trumpet call" and "gather" the elect from all over. It is loud. Like ringing the school bell to signal the start or end of a school session, or the emcee who calls upon everyone seated in the stadium to stand to sing the national anthem, the CW is an active trumpet call to all in the Church to come. Brian Doerksen's song begins well.

Come, now is the time to worship
Come, now is the time to give your heart
Come, just as you are to worship
Come, just as you are before your God
Come.

A CW is a call. It is a calling to the called, a declaration of the start of praise, and a cry for action. It is not to be muted into simply a word to be said or an item in the program sheet. It is purely and simply a call. Let those who have ears be ready to listen. The CW is not something simply for worshipers to read like a newspaper or a magazine. It is a declaration of intent. It is a resolution for the body of Christ to come together in the Name of Jesus. It is a trumpet sound that shakes up the lethargy of the week and rouses the whole congregation to declare the praises of God, by the people of God who have been called out of darkness into God's marvelous light.

KEY: The Call to Worship is not a request for people to straddle into the sanctuary. It is a trumpet sound that declares the time for the elect, the called to come together to worship God in Spirit and in truth.

I Surrender More?

TITLE: I SURRENDER MORE?
SCRIPTURE: Philippians 2:7
Written by: Dr Conrade Yap
Date: August 23rd, 2013

"rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness."(Philippians 2:7)

KEY POINT: When Jesus empties himself, he is emptying not his attribute but surrendering his self-will in favour of God's will.

One of the most popular hymns in many churches is the classic, "I Surrender All" written by Judson W. Van deVenter (1855-1939). Trained in the arts as well as 17 different musical instruments, deVenter gets involved in all things music and arts, whether traveling or ministering. Having many different talents, like many, he struggles with making choices on what best to do with his own life. It is not a situation where he has nothing to do, or does not know what to do. He simply is stuck between the love of teaching versus the desire to be a part of an evangelistic team. No matter what decision he makes, there is always a pro and con. Stay behind and teach, and bless the students inside. Go out and evangelize with the team and he can bless people outside. Both decisions are good. Which then is God's will for him?

This week, I reflect on the common challenge for Christians. How can we truly surrender our all? For that, we will learn from the life of Jesus, and how he surrenders all.

A) Emptying Himself

Philippians 2:7 has often been highlighted for anyone studying Christology and the doctrines related to Christ. The words "made himself nothing" can also be translated as "emptied himself." The verb "kenoo" (kenovw) means 'empty,' 'void,' 'make nothing.' Is "emptying" about becoming like the person who falls short of God's standards? This makes the verb very problematic for theology students when they study kenosis. What does it mean when Christ empties himself?

Is it the giving up of his OmniPotence (All-Power), his OmniScience (All-Knowing), and his OmniPresence (All-Present)?
Is it making himself equal to man completely?
Is it the sacrifice of his complete self-will in favour of God's total will?

If we answer yes to the first question, it will mean that for a period of time, Christ is not divine. For example, one place that scholars have argued is in Mark 13:32, where Christ acknowledges that no one, including himself knows about when exactly the last day is. That represents a temporary giving up of his divine attributes. However, if that is true, then it will deny the very being of God! How can one deny himself the very essential attribute that defines him?

Surely not. Emptying oneself is not exactly giving up of his divinity. Jesus can be divine and still human in his choice making. So, we can say that the idea of 'kenosis' is not about Jesus giving up divinity. Choosing not to exercise divine attributes does not mean one has to give up the attribute altogether.

B) Making himself fully equal to man?

This brings us to the next question. Is Jesus by giving up his own will, becoming more like man rather than God? It is possible, but that will bring problems with regards to how we see Jesus. Is Jesus at that time more human and less divine? How can a person be subdivided into different spiritual stages? Surely, it will bring about all kinds of confusion about the Person of Jesus.

No. When Jesus empties himself, he is not emptying himself of his divine attributes. Neither is he giving up his humanity. He is giving up something else. More particularly, he is giving up self-will. When Christ comes to earth and becomes human, he is already 100% human. He is already fully equal to man. He does not need any more addition or subtraction to make himself more or less like man. He is already fully human. He does not need to give up more of his human being in order to be more human. So if Jesus is fully divine, and also fully human, what then is Christ emptying himself of? The answer: His will.

C) God's Will Be Done

Remember how Jesus prayed on the night before he was crucified? He specifically asks:

"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." (Luke 22:42)

Jesus submits himself to the Father's will, preferring to obey God rather than to give in to any other way. It is a deliberate denial of self. It is an absolute determination to put God first. It is a humble acknowledgement that doing God's will is primary, and all other things are secondary. By a wide margin. Note in Philippians 2:7 where Paul writes of Christ as one who "taking the very nature of a servant," as an intentional choice. He chooses to be a servant even when he is a king. He chooses to take the lowly road even when he is fully eligible to take the royal path. He chooses to adopt the nature of a servant, to serve rather than to be served. Paul adds, "being made in human likeness" as a reference to the possibility of choice. Jesus gets to choose. Jesus gets to decide what needs to be done. He is not forced. No one is pointing a gun at his head to tell him what to do or what not to do. Jesus chooses freely, willingly, and obediently. That is the essence of surrender! It is the offering up of our wills in favour of God's will that is the essence of surrender.

D) Essence of Surrender

Unlike wars where the defeated surrenders to the victorious, Jesus surrenders himself to God, not the enemy. The enemy can bash up the Son. The enemy can wallop the body of Jesus. The enemy can create all manner of evil to hurt Jesus. By trying to humiliate Jesus at the Cross, the tables are turned that the one humiliated is the devil and death itself. Remember the taunt,

"Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?" (1 Corinthians 15:55)

In overcoming death, Christ has broken the power of sin. In freely choosing God's will, Jesus has done more than what the righteous Job has done. In obeying God completely, Jesus has defeated the enemy completely. The essence of surrender is about fully yielding our own wills and to fully embrace God's will. The writer, Elisabeth Elliot reminds us that "One does not surrender a life in an instant. That which is lifelong can only be surrendered in a lifetime."

E) Practicing I-Surrender-All

True indeed. We cannot say "I Surrender All" at an instant, for life is not an instant frame. All of us can take snapshots of our lives, both physical and spiritual. We can remember only the good parts and forget about the bad. The life of surrender is a lifelong process. There are no short cuts to surrendering. It has to be done constantly, freely, willingly, and obediently.

Judson deVenter, the hymn writer of "I Surrender All," struggled with the decision between teaching vs evangelism for at least five years. He could have screamed out surrender right at the beginning, but it will not be authentic. He could have waited and not make any commitment, so that he can change his mind anytime, but that will not satisfy his inner being. Instead, he struggled, he prayed, he pondered, and on a daily basis continued to be faithful with his skills and talents. Then, as he was conducting a meeting at East Palestine, Ohio, something dawned on him that only one thing is needed: surrender. Surrender the decision to God. Surrender the consequences to God. Surrender himself to God. The words become a song. The song becomes a classic. The classic becomes God's reminder to many believers, that when we surrender all, we are acknowledging that God knows best.

My friends. Surrender is not a one time decision made quickly. It is a series of decisions made over a period of time. Some may surrender sooner, and others later. What is most liberating is that God is patient. God is willing to wait for us to choose him in everything, and in all things. For in doing so, we will soon realize that surrendering ourselves to God is not about emptying ourselves of our future. It is about putting our lives fully in God who knows our future. When we are in the arms of the perfect God, we are in the arms of one who loves us and gives himself for us, through his great love in Jesus.

If you have trouble singing "I Surrender All," why not try "I Surrender More" for now. At some point of time, God will reward us, with the ability and the faith to sing "I Surrender All." Freely, obediently, and willingly. Are you stuck in the middle between choices like a rock and a hard place? If you are, surrender that choice to God, and pray that whatever choice you make, God's will be your focus. Once you have made the choice, let that choice lead you to greater freedom, greater obedience, and greater capacity to say: "God's will be done in all of my life."

THOUGHT: "The man or woman who is wholly or joyously surrendered to Christ can't make a wrong choice - any choice will be the right one." (A.W. Tozer)

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Friday, August 16, 2013

The Fifth Quarter of Life

TITLE: THE FIFTH QUARTER OF LIFE
SCRIPTURE: Ps 27:13-14
Written by: Dr Conrade Yap
Date: August 15th, 2013

"I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." (Ps 27:13-14)

KEY: It is good to begin well. It is even more important to finish strong. How do we climb out of tragedy? How can we live on when our present hopes are dashed?

Once in a while, a movie comes along that tugs hearts, moves souls, and unleashes tears. Such a movie will not just be a story, but a realistic portrayal of a real life event. Helmed by two very experienced actors, this film brings to life the tragedy, the pain, and the suffering endured by a couple who lost their youngest son in a horrific car accident. On February 2006, Luke Abbate was a backseat passenger catching a ride from one of his teenager friends. In a moment of teen foolishness to show off his speeding ability, the friend driving the vehicle lost control and the car ended up a mangled wreck, killing all but one. After 24 hours, due to excessive brain damage, doctors declared Luke brain dead and were legally allowed to take Luke off life support. Luke was 15, full of potential, mostly unrealized. Instead, it breaks the hearts of the family into a million pieces. The end of one life, only begins the journey to darkness for the remaining members of the Abbate family. Steven and Maryanne lost their youngest son. Rachel, Jonathan, and Adam lost their little brother. As a viewer, I lost my fight against tears. It has been a long time since I felt that way.

The film is chock full of incredibly moving scenes. At the hospital, personal friends, schoolmates, teachers, teammates, well-wishers from all over lined up with a powerful demonstration of solidarity and support. Family surrounded Luke with prayer vigils, with the Maryanne praying and reading from the Bible, toggling between faith and fear. Just after doctors pronounced Luke brain-dead, a representative from "Donate Life" came to ask the family for permission to find recipients for Luke's body parts. As if one spin was not enough, the family now had to grapple with another. Once calm presided over the mayhem, the family remembered Luke agreeing to donate his organs not too long ago at a government office. Very quickly, once the father agreed to the organ donation, five recipients had already been identified.

I watched the movie and thought about the many beautiful themes spread throughout the movie. The number "five" is prominent as well. Let me offer five themes to take home.

A) No Fault of Our Own

Pain can come at us, whether we are directly responsible or not. Luke Abbate on that fateful day could have simply said 'no' to his friend offering him a ride home. After all, he can always call his mother to pick him up from school that day. Yet, for some reason, he gives in to his friends enticement with fatal consequences. If we put ourselves in the shoes of the Abbates, we will have tried to reason it out, that Luke could be alive today, if he had just said NO! The scenarios can be repeated over and over. The probabilities can be calculated time and again. The regrets can also be felt repeatedly with thousands of "if-only" combinations. But will that help? The reality is, what had happened happened. It is easy to blurt out "Do not cry over spilled milk." Living the consequences is long, dark, and often unknown, something that Maryanne the mum had expressed very well.

"My family has been deeply touched by the love and support of our dear community
Please continue --- to pray for us.. because I...(sob)
...I suspect that the journey will be both dark and hard.
Our lives have been shattered (breaking) into a million pieces.
And I have no idea how to put them together again. Luke was and always will be deeply loved. And now, now, he will be deeply missed."

This is followed by another moving scene by the father, Steven pushing and crying as he single-handedly pushed the casket away. As I watch the movie unfold, I notice that there are no scenes of the family cursing and swearing at the family of the foolish driver. There are no moments of hatred for people. There is one single goal: Mourning, crying, and praying. Finishing strong means recognizing that our past is past. The past cannot be allowed to drag us and remain in the mud of life. We need help to get out of the mud of the past.

B) Grieving

Billed as a film in the tradition of the Blind Side, the movie has several scenes of praying and Scripture reading. There are prayers just before the start of each game. There are honest questions of why God will allow bad things to happen. There are prayers uttered with Scripture. I remember hearing twice the reading of Ps 27:13-14.

"I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." (Ps 27:13-14)

Aptly chosen, it is an expression of hope during times of hopelessness, knowing that only God understands exactly what the family is going through. God is good. God is faithful. The pain will remain, but the knowledge that God's presence is near will remain stronger still, through the support and encouragement by friends and loved ones. I see how the coaches and staff at Wake Forest University come alongside Jon, caring and giving Jon space to grieve. Jon, being a rising football player for the college team is poised for stardom. He just needs the time to grieve. Graciously and generously, Jon receives lots of space, and lots of time to just grieve. Yet, grieving is tough. Back home, as if one loss is not enough, amid their grief, the husband and wife relationship begins to break down. Steven buries himself in work. Maryanne suffers alone. Both have become too weak to support each other. If grieving is dark and hard, grieving alone is darker and harder. Grieving is necessary, but grieving together is even more necessary. During such tragic times, families must come together as often as possible. If one loses a family member, the rest of the family must learn to come together quickly, decisively, and be in unity with one another. Health experts have noticed that divorces are particularly high for couples who lose a child. Finishing strong begins with a desire to grieve in a way that is constructive, not destructive.

C) Symbolism of Five

The number "5" is highly symbolic in the movie. Remembering that Luke used to wear the number 5 on his football jersey, older brother Jon got permission to change his own jersey number from 40 to 5. At the same time, during each football game, Steven and Maryanne hold up all their five open fingers in an outstretched fashion, as a symbol of family solidarity. This soon catches on with both supporters, fans, even opponents, who remember the life of Luke Abbate. Amazingly, Jon becomes the inspirational leader as well, rousing his teammates to come from behind in several crucial games to win at the final quarter. Due to the amazing finish by a team that was ranked last in the minds of the public media, Wake Forest's Demon Deacons came to win and finish strong every final quarter, topping their Atlantic division, and eventually winning the 2006 State championship, defeating Georgia Tech at the finals. It is an amazing achievement for the school which has never won a state championship in its 172 year history.

Symbols are important in life. For Christians, the most prominent symbol of faith is the cross. There is no substitute, for in the cross, we see how the person of Christ has died for the sins of the world. With one act of obedience, and the complete fulfilling of the will of God, the cross stands as a powerful symbol of reconciliation. Vertically, at the cross, man gets reconciled with God. Horizontally, man is able to be reconciled with one another. A symbol can be a powerful aid to help us finish strong.

D) Finishing Strong

Starting well is important. Finishing strong is even more important. For it is not the initial performance that will win games. It is the set of final and finishing touches at the last quarter that will lead the team to victory. The film is called the Fifth Quarter simply because in many of the games played, Jon Abbate's team came up on top after overcoming very tough opponents. In the game against Duke's Blue Devils, Jon found his team down by 10-0 at halftime. Eventually, the Deacons caught up, and were leading by 14-13 with just six seconds remaining in the game. The problem is, their opponents from Duke had a significant advantage as they have a free kick that if converted, will win the game for Duke. Thankfully, it was blocked and Wake Forest savoured the close win. Wake Forest may have started badly, but they ended strong. Strong finishers win competitions.

In the Old Testament, we see several examples of people who had started well but fumbled at the end. Think of King Solomon who began with much fanfare and wisdom. His prayer at the commissioning of the Lord's temple remains a model for all of us to learn. The proverbs often attributed to Solomon have also been used for centuries in daily living. Unfortunately, through a series of missteps and utter foolishness, Solomon fumbled after the glorious beginning. In just one reign, Solomon manages to unravel the good work of his father David, causing havoc to his own personal and spiritual life, but also the split of Israel into two separate nations: Israel on the North and Judah to the South. Strong starts may wow audiences, but strong finishers win games. That is true in life too.

E) Faith and Hope

What helps one to grieve well? What enables one to be lifted out of the darkness of despair toward the brightness of hope? What compels one not only to brave the start but to finish strong? It is faith in the Divine God. It is hope for a brighter future. Psalm 27 begins with a declaration:

"The LORD is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid?" (Ps 27:1)

Based on the LORD's covenant of faithfulness with David, this psalm verbalizes the inner belief of David. He knows that in his hours of darkness, only the LORD can give him light. It is in basking in the sunshine of God's assurance that helps him to fight the fear of death and defeat. It is standing on the promises of God that gives him the courage. Throughout the fourteen verses, David think thoughts of God. He gazes at the face of God and not be distracted by the face of trials and tribulations. He directs his whole perspective to see from the standpoint of God and not the world. He knows that the LORD wins battles for his people (Ps 27:2). He knows that the best place is in the very house of God (Ps 27:4). He knows that eventually it is God who finishes strong and perfect (Ps 27:6). He knows that in the valley of darkness, God will teach him what is necessary (Ps 27:11). All of these statements of faith lead him to one final crescendo:

"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.
Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." (Ps 27:13-14)

It is the Word of God that will help us to start well, to strive faithfully ahead, and to finish well.In life, we too live lives of four quarters. Suppose the average life-span for us is 80 years.

Quarter 1 - Years 1 to 20;
Quarter 2 - Years 21 to 40;
Quarter 3 - Years 41 to 60;
Quarter 4 - Years 61 to 80.

We do a lot of absorbing and taking of stuff in our first 20 years. We learn. We study. We take in all that our parents, our teachers, and what society offers. In our next quarter of life, we venture into young adulthood. We graduate with our first degree. We get our first real job. We marry and start our families. We busy ourselves with work and more work. By the third quarter, some of us will have been promoted to higher levels in our organizations or social levels of importance. For others, retrenchments and unemployment will prove to be tough setbacks to our game of life, struggling to play in the challenges of the second quarter with a body made up of the third, even fourth. Then, we reach the final quarter. We begin to think about the meaning and significance of life. In First Things First, the late Steven Covey has helped many people with his four things in life: to live, to learn, to love, and to leave a legacy. Leaving a legacy will very well appear to be at the final quarter of our lives. That we live, we love, and we learn in a way that leaves legacies for future generations. It is a good start, but does not necessarily mean a strong end.

Let me put forth one more L to help us finish strong: Longing. If there is one word to describe Ps 27:13-14, it is longing to see God's goodness on earth as it is in heaven. It is longing for the LORD that causes one to wait earnestly for a glimpse of God. It is learning to be strong at heart knowing for sure that God will come, and to wait patiently for God who will definitely come.

Longing for God is one of the best signs of a growing Christian. It is this longing for something better that propels people at a funeral to move ahead. This longing gives them hope that one day, all will be well. This longing enables them to gradually move beyond the darkness toward the light. This longing, supported by symbols of hope, will sustain not only the toughest points of life, but the entire journey. As one longs for God, in some very strange way, God teaches us what life is about. God shows us what love is like. God reveals to us what we can learn. Gently and surely, God unfolds the legacy that Christ has left behind that he has finished what he has set out to do. This longing for God will help us finish strong. Let me close with these words from the late Brennan Manning.

"The gospel is absurd and the life of Jesus is meaningless unless we believe that He lived, died, and rose again with but one purpose in mind: to make brand-new creation. Not to make people with better morals but to create a community of prophets and professional lovers, men and women who would surrender to the mystery of the fire of the Spirit that burns within, who would live in ever greater fidelity to the omnipresent Word of God, who would enter into the center of it all, the very heart and mystery of Christ, into the center of the flame that consumes, purifies, and sets everything aglow with peace, joy, boldness, and extravagant, furious love. This, my friend, is what it really means to be a Christian. Our religion never begins with what we do for God. It always starts with what God has done for us, the great and wondrous things that God dreamed of and achieved for us in Christ Jesus." (Brennan Manning, The Furious Longing of God, 125-6)

I want to add. Not only is our faith started in Christ Jesus, it will end in Christ Jesus. For at the Cross, time stands still, and lifts us up toward an eternal God, where time has no hold. Man in Christ gets reconciled with God, and finds that only God is able to reach out and touch us. We who have "eternity in our hearts" can only be truly filled by God who is eternal and everlasting. It is because of a sustained longing in Christ and for Christ, that makes unceasing prayer always possible.

Toward the end of the movie, there remains one final scene which made me cry. A survivor with the heart of Luke Abbate was shown standing there, allowing Steven the father to hug and listen to the heartbeat. The memory of Luke does not just live on, it beats on in the heart of a survivor. Luke did not just finish strong. He finishes strong in the heart of another person.

THOUGHT: "Why is it so important that you are with God and God alone on the mountain top? It's important because it's the place in which you can listen to the voice of the One who calls you the beloved. To pray is to listen to the One who calls you "my beloved daughter," "my beloved son," "my beloved child." To pray is to let that voice speak to the center of your being, to your guts, and let that voice resound in your whole being." (Henri Nouwen)

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Friday, August 9, 2013

Should I Cut My Cable TV?

TITLE: SHOULD I CUT MY CABLE TV?

Written by: Dr Conrade Yap
Date: August 9th, 2013

There was a time when TV is a must-have in every household. For some, having two or more television sets at home is common. There will be one for the family room, another for the parents' room, and even in children's rooms. For those who spend a lot of time in the kitchen, sometimes, they will even have a small LCD monitor conveniently installed at the side wall so that they can cook and watch TV at the same time. Now, the ubiquitous television set is under threat. Thanks no less to the growing popularity of the Internet. According to news reports, 1 out of 6 Canadians have already cut the cable cord, preferring the web over the traditional TV. It is the younger and more web-savvy users who are refusing to pay for TV, opting for a fully wireless Internet option. After all, many have said that since they are not watching TV as much so why not simply do away with it? From a cost standpoint, I understand. From a convenience standpoint, I concur. Yet, I am reminded too that although cutting the cable may mean saving some money, there are other more subtle repercussions which we ought to take careful note of. I will mention just three of them for now.

1) Threat of the Internet Cannibalising the TV and Phone

Like many families, my home has a phone line, a cabled television set, as well as Internet. Of all the three facilities, the one that is used most is the Internet. Gone are the days where we need to dial up a phone number with a modem in order to connect to the Internet. Not only that, the connectivity is slow and buggy, with download speeds that crawl and make it a challenge to download big files. Waiting is something most people have gotten used to.

Not anymore.

With the rise of networking technology and faster wide area networks, service providers have pampered consumers with high speeds that are up to 250Mbps (Mega bits per second) or roughly speaking, about 31MB per second speed. In some places, you can get even higher. With such high speeds, it is possible to use VOIP features, a voice over IP telephony features using the Internet. They not only cost a fraction of the traditional phone prices, sometimes, if one uses Skype-to-Skype or FaceTime to Facetime, or other equivalent applications, the telephone call is free anywhere in the world, with an Internet connection. It is possible to remove your traditional telephone totally and to replace it completely with an Internet telephone. All it takes is some special equipment to be installed, usually at a small fee. The weak link is this. The moment the Internet connection is lost, so too the telephone connection. This problem can be circumvented with the use of mobile phones, which is the other threat to the conventional telephone. Friends of mine have increasingly migrated from a land-line phone to a mobile phone. They prefer a phone where they are easily reachable. At the same time, if the home phone is not used as much, why pay more?

Also gone are the days where we have to stay up for a particular time on a particular day to watch a specific TV program. With many popular TV episodes increasingly on the web, consumers can pick and choose a time and place at their own convenience to watch the episode. Just wait until the episode has been screened by the TV provider, and within a few days, the episode can be streamed to our Internet devices anytime. Just like if we miss a Sunday sermon, we can always go to the Church website and download or stream the sermon when we have the time. Of course, this assumes that your Church has a website and people who will faithfully upload sermon material on the web. Must one go to Church faithfully in order to listen to sermons only? Not anymore.

The Internet has not only cannibalized the conventional phone and the ubiquitous TV and cable, it has changed cultural norms and social behaviour. This is my greater concern, which incidentally, is the guiding thought to help answer the question: "Should I cut my TV Cord?"

2) Threat of Individualism

Years ago, I remember a new theological institution being built. Someone close to the developments complained to me saying that he disagreed with the idea of having a network connection in every room. He said with the ease of network connectivity and the convenience of not having to leave the hostel room altogether, will that not increase the level of individualistic behaviour? I understood precisely where he is coming from. During my early Gordon-Conwell days, the wireless Internet is only available at the main halls. Thus, students who want to do their emails or Internet surfing have to leave their comfortable rooms and to go to the lounge. There, I see familiar faces, and we often chatted before and after meals. After dinner, we hang out together, and for those who need to rush out a paper, we can see them quietly at the next table working away. We even play table tennis together after a hearty meal! The desire to use the Internet can bring people together. In my final year at Gordon-Conwell, the Internet connectivity has improved by leaps and bounds. Not only is the wireless signals stronger in the common lounge, it is also readily available in every room in my block! Thus, there is no more need to head for the lounge to read one's emails. There is no more need to look for a space in the lounge sofa to surf the net. There is no need to get out of our rooms. I notice the change in social behaviour.

People stay more in their rooms and less in the common areas. People huddle inside their own Internet world, oblivious to the outside world. Even theological students behave like that. Individualism has arrived in a new way, through the ubiquitous Internet connection. Individualism stands out as the key cultural phenomenon of our modern age. Drive on the roads, and you see how easily irritated other drivers are when you want to switch lanes, especially into their lanes. Societies with people caring only for themselves are not nice places to live in. For with individualism comes the acts of selfishness, pride, and self-centered deeds. That is one reason why it is increasingly difficult to get people to agree, and to work on common goals. Individualistic people tend to prefer their own ways over all other ways. So much so that the sociologist Wade Clark Roof has commented on the individual empowering oneself even above God!

"The real story of American religious life in this half-century is the rise of a new sovereign self that defines and sets limits on the very meaning of the divine." (Wade Clark Roof cited in Nancy Pearcey. Total Truth: Liberating Christianity from Its Cultural Captivity, Wheaton, Ill, Crossway Books, 2008, p293)

Back in the 60s, there was a popular song by Lobo called, "Me and You and a Dog Named Boo," which talked about a carefree lifestyle and a culture of doing whatever one sees fit. Life revolved around the lover and the beloved, with a pet dog named Boo. In such a condition, nothing else really mattered. Likewise, fast forward to contemporary times, with everyone having their own laptops, their own cell-phones, their own iPods, and tablet devices, people are comfortable about living alone, with "I and Me with a technology named Internet."

3) Threat of Reduced Bonding Time

With the rise of individualism comes the fall of community concerns. People who are deep in their own problems will find it very difficult to put themselves in the shoes of another. They fear that if they venture out to help others, will there be anyone who will help them? Such a mood arises out of that state of individualistic concerns that will only give when one can get something back in return. That kind of giving is not true giving, for true giving is being able to give without expecting anything in return.

If there is one thing that is most Christian, it is the ability to give, and give, and give. I will also include "forgive" among the giving disposition. Giving up one's individual concerns in order to spend time on other people is a human being at his highest level of virtue. Sometimes I wonder. Why are we so used to accepting people's "I'm busy" comment as an excuse to decline invitation, miss schedules, or to simply stop hanging out altogether. Of course we have become too busy. We have become too busy because the 'me' has become bigger than the WE. The 'I' is more important than the group. For spending time with 'myself' has become so important that other people matters less.

In my household, I turn off the Internet about two hours each day. When that happens, I notice how my kids behave. They start coming out of their rooms. They stop staring at the computers. They begin to play musical instruments. They begin to do other things non-Internet related. They start to hang out together with the rest of the family in front of the TV. Once the Internet connectivity stops, human community begins.

4) Final Comments

Take time to smell the flowers.

When I think about the meaning of living together, individualism is a direct threat to community life. While there is Internet and social media that are fast becoming the common staple of daily living, we must beware of the underlying dangers of weakening social cohesion and community spirit. Whatever weakens community, whatever threatens the fabric of family life, whatever things that prevent us from becoming more neighbourly to one another, we must take action. The Internet may be here to stay, but we can surely take action to prevent it from unraveling our most important relationships.

This comes back to the point of learning to take a Sabbath. Try doing that for technology. Once a week, or for a few hours a day, take a break away from the computer, away from the Internet, away from constant checking of Facebook or emails. Walk to the garden. Smell the flowers. Say hi to your neighbours. Walk instead of drive. Observe the blooming life around us. Then, and gradually, we will realize that life is bigger than our Internet connection.

Seeing how my kids come together during non-Internet hours is reason enough for me to renew my TV/cable subscription.

THOUGHT: "A world without a Sabbath would be like a man without a smile, like a summer without flowers, and like a homestead without a garden. It is the joyous day of the whole week." (Henry Ward Beecher)

sabbathwalk

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Woman's Greatest Fear(s)

TITLE: WOMAN's GREATEST FEAR(s)
SCRIPTURE: Ruth 1: 14-17
Written by: Dr Conrade Yap
Date: Aug 1st, 2013

4At this they wept aloud again. Then Orpah kissed her mother-in-law goodbye, but Ruth clung to her. 15“Look,” said Naomi, “your sister-in-law is going back to her people and her gods. Go back with her.” 16But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. 17Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.”

KEY: Following last week's article on the male gender, this week I will cover what it means to be feminine, and what makes the woman a true woman in the light of biblical truth.

I am no psychologist. Neither am I some love doctor or emotional therapist. I am simply a trained scholar, eager theologian, an associate pastor, and of course, a husband as well as a father. I am also a wide reader, reading on the average a book every other day. I am interested in a wide range of issues, from marriage to theology; families to individuals; children and teens; aging and diseases; spirituality as well as religious matters; current affairs and various trends in society and culture; etc. In fact, my reading passion has taken me to many places, without having to buy an air ticket or to travel long distances just to learn. The Internet and technology have helped bridged the far and the near together.

Why am I sharing all these? That is because in my line of work as a pastor, I come across many different issues, and faces different and unique challenges. Marital problems, Church member to member relationships, Sunday services, leadership matters, spiritual growth, counseling, visitation, meetings, Bible teaching, administration, and many more are the mainstay of any pastoral ministry. It is because I am called to preach on a regular basis that I need to read a lot as well.

Last week, I wrote about issues pertaining to the male gender, where being a real man is not exactly about what they do, but is essentially about making a difference with their lives. I mentioned four kinds of men, giving due weight eventually to the fourth kind that defines what a real man is about. The defining moment for a man is that innate commitment to glorify God regardless of how good or bad the struggle is. Whatever it takes, the Christian man will make a decision for God. That is why many men in particular find special meaning in Rick Warren's purpose driven life.

This week, I like to share what I have learned about the female gender, and what it means to be a woman. I know, I am not a woman, so I am not exactly biologically qualified. Come to think of it, if only women deal with women issues, then men can never be gynaecologists. It is important for men to know about female issues too.

Like last week, let me borrow again some observations from a trained psychologist, Dr Larry Crabb, once again.

A) What is Femininity?

According to the Hebrew word for female, neqebah means "punctured, bored through." Based on the Hebrew understanding of this word, Crabb writes that being feminine essentially means being open to, inviting, and neither demand nor control, but to be relational. More importantly, the original design for femininity is for receiving from God's fullness, that the woman be able to reflect the full character of God and for the purposes of God. Such a relationship is life giving and nourishes relationships. So like man's greatest fear is to lose his sense of purpose and direction, woman's greatest fear is the breaking down of relationships. Crabb also talks about the four personas that inhibit the woman from being fully feminine. This is especially true of those who reject a Christ-centered relationship.

Type 1 - The Defensively Deranged Woman
Type 2 - The Prematurely Satisfied Woman
Type 3 - The Angrily Hardened Woman
Type 4 - The Visibly Troubled Woman (The True Woman)

B) Fear of Unsatisfied Desire (The Defensively Deranged Woman)

A few weeks ago, while shopping with my family at an Asian supermarket, I walked past a woman in her 50s, complaining in Cantonese about a man who had mistresses in mainland China. Speaking as if she was cursing her husband in front of her, it was quite easy to see that she had been traumatized by an adulterous man, most likely her husband. I wonder to myself why she behaved like a mad woman in public. Has she been so hurt that she had become consumed with hate for her husband? Then there are also women I have encountered who had such a horrible relationship with their fathers that they transferred the trauma into their marriages.

Crabb also shares about one woman whose husband on their wedding night preferred to watch a football game than to have sex with her. When the wife woke up the next morning, her husband then said that he "screwed" her when she was sleeping. Angry and frustrated, the relationship went downhill, with the woman quickly becoming a seductress, unable to heal from her brokenness. The defensively deranged woman is not able to recover from a broken past toward healing, as her focus is often on revenge, on bitterness, and on hate.

C) Fear of Loss of Blessings (Premature Satisfaction)

The other extreme is also unstable. Crabb talks about the woman who lives on blessings alone. They let their joy be tightly linked to blessings of good marriage, good kids, good social circles, to define what a good life is. In their overwhelming trust in these good things, it also means the focus is away from building trust in God alone. Such a woman embraces only the good, and refuses to accept the bad. The relational aspect gets compromised as instead of building a relationship with God, the prematurely satisfied woman builds her relationships on blessings alone. It takes the godly woman to be able to trust in God whatever the good or the bad.

D) Fear of Loss of Control (Angrily Hardened Woman)

Like men, anger is an emotion that impacts woman a lot. A woman undergoing pain and painful memories may hide their anger through numbing one's emotions. The "tough lady" image is popular. Toughness is not the issue. Unnatural dealing with anger is the issue. By allowing her sense of "I should have been better treated" to dominate her life, she unwittingly starts to control other people's lives. Some mothers attempt to control their sons and daughters under the guise of doing what is best for them. The trouble is, it can backfire. Their biggest hurt or regret comes when they realize that their adult children are not willing to share openly with them their real struggles. With the female gender that is high on relational matters, it hurts when the closest relationships are not close at all.

E) True Woman (Visibly Troubled)

The first three types of women continue to play hide-and-seek with themselves and their emotions. If there is a common trait, it is a fear of their broken relationships that lead them to performing lots of hiding and little of seeking. The defensively deranged woman hides her past hurts with emotional and mental instability. The prematurely satisfied woman hides her true needs by becoming absorbed in the good things of life. The angrily hardened woman hides her fears through grit and controlling behaviours. It is the fourth woman that is most feminine in the biblical sense.

This fourth type is what Crabb describes as self-aware and God-oriented. Most importantly, she does not hide. She faces boldly her fears and trusts that God will help her. It is this disposition that defines the godly woman:

"God, I come to You. Do with me as You want. Embrace me in Your perfect love that casts out all fear.”

The story of Ruth is an excellent example of a visibly troubled woman who chooses the God of her mother in law, even after the passing of her husband. Knowing that her status is low, and her hope is bleak, she clings on to a faithfulness that is anchored in God alone. Some say that her desire is to be a faithful daughter in law. Others say that she had no better decision to make. I think not. Firstly, Ruth had every right to go marry someone else. Becoming a widow was an accepted state in society. There was no shame. Secondly, Ruth could have returned to her own homeland, just like Orpah. The fact that Ruth chose to stick with her is a conscious decision. More importantly, we note that Ruth does not need to choose God. Yet, she makes a conscious decision to bind her heart to God. With that decision, God blesses her with one of the greatest blessings ever: Bloodline to King David.

Being feminine is not about good looks or biologically features. Being feminine is relational. It is being invited into building that relationship solely and solidly in God alone. The best woman one can ever become is to be a woman of God. A woman of God will be a deep source of blessings to all around. Let us pray for our women friends and family that they too can be the women of God that they have been called to be.

THOUGHT: "The fact that I am a woman does not make me a different kind of Christian, but the fact that I am a Christian does make me a different kind of woman." (Elisabeth Elliot)

sabbathwalk

Friday, July 26, 2013

Man's Greatest Fear

TITLE: MAN'S GREATEST FEAR
SCRIPTURE: Genesis 1:27
Written by: Dr Conrade Yap
Date: July 26th, 2013

"So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." (Gen 1:27)

Real men?
(Photo Credit: Ben Rothstein/20C Fox/AP)

What do you mean by real men? If we were to buy what Hollywood is offering, real men tend to be those who spot a macho moustache like Tom Selleck; a muscle heavy body builder like Arnold Schwarzenegger or Sylvester Stallone; hairy-chested males like the star of Wolverine, Hugh Jackman; or the dashing superstar with a boyish look, Tom Cruise. Maybe it is the Lone Ranger type individuals like James Bond, who seems to be able to single-handedly defeat foes; or the sole heroes in Superman or Batman. Look at all of these examples carefully and one will be quick to notice how great looks and super-skills dominate the definition of the masculine hero. Maybe Cruise and Selleck are the famous "ladies' men," while Jackman, Schwarzenegger, and Stallone let their muscles do the talking. Are these the only real men in the world? Of course not.

A) What is "Male?"

If we press for an answer what precisely is masculinity, we will probably be challenged to go beyond the physical and the external. What then is masculinity? Biology classes will teach us that men are people who have both X and Y chromosomes in their genes. Genesis tells us that Adam was created first, and Eve then created out of Adam's rib. In Genesis 1:27, the word for male is "zakar" which Larry Crabb calls it "to leave a mark, to make an impact." Tying it back to the Triune Godhead, he points out that what makes a man a man, is how "he bears God's image" and impact the lives of people. A man is one who is weighty enough to make a difference in another person's life. This is different from "throwing one's weight" about, which refers to boastfulness and authoritarianism behaviours. Zakar is about influence. It is about living impactful lives in the Name of God.

Danger of People finding Fulfillment in Busyness of Work

If that is true, then man's greatest fear is essentially the opposite of Zakar. Crabb calls it "weightlessness." Rick Warren calls it the lack of purpose. I call it the loss of self-identity. When we fail to know who we are, what we are created to be, and the purpose of living, we will tend to doubt ourselves. For males, they tend to be people who adopt the mantra: "I do, therefore I am." A major problem is this: When people let their work and their accomplishments define their identity, when the flow of work and accomplishments end, there goes their identity.

B) Problem: Lack of Self-Identity

If the workaholic finds his self-identity being dissolved in his work, the other extreme happens to be those who loses their self-identity simply because they do not have any work. Living in Vancouver, I have met many immigrants from Asia, and one of the common observations is that the men tend to do worse than the women. One person stays home while the wife becomes the main breadwinner. Another volunteers part time while depending on handouts from the government. Some force themselves to take up entry level jobs despite them having top qualifications and solid work experience in their home countries. Some decide to cut their losses and head back to Asia to find work. A number of people who linger on go into depression. Those who survive the first five years testify to how tough it is to find work, meaning, and self-identity.

When one's self-identity is challenged, it affects one's self-esteem, the family, as well as overall perspective of life. How then do we regain our sense of purpose and of identity? We go back to the source: Our creator. For if God is the one who has created us, surely He knows who we are and what we are created for. This is the critical starting point of life, failing which men will fall head long toward more and more "weightlessness." Work or the lack of work thereof cannot be allowed to define who we are. Both leads to one or more of Crabb's "weightless men."

C) Three Types of "Weightless Men"

Crabb, in his latest book highlights three types of weightless men:

The Shallow Man
The Secularized Man
The Spiritually Addicted Man

The Shallow Man is one of indifference, preferring shallow comfort instead of meaningful struggle. The Secularized Man tries to live a life that is independent of God. What is most intriguing in Crabb's list is the "The Spiritually Addicted Man," who are confused about their sense of priorities, getting a wrong sense of their deepest needs, and thirst for things temporal and easy.

"Spiritually Addicted Men display power over people through whatever resources they have that win respect and admiration" (Larry Crabb, Fully Alive, Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2013, p123)

Weightlessness will cause men to fall into one or more of the three categories. The common symptoms are: not knowing what to do; unsure of oneself; inability to make any difference, thus the indifference; total lack of purpose in life; no relationship with God. Looking at Genesis 1:27, one cannot help but notice the important need to get back with God to God's original plan. When God made man as "zakar," there is purpose and there is a divine self-identity. Man is created to make a difference.

D) Masculinity of The Fourth Kind

Thankfully, there is a fourth category that Crabb is arguing for: The "Sincerely Struggling Man." Such a person will recognize one's limitations, embrace one's weaknesses, and ready to throw himself at the feet of Jesus to ask for help. He knows how formidable sin is, and as he tries his best to be holy, he will often fall and fail. He will however not give up trying. He is broken inside but hopeful that God will heal him from the inside out. He may fail on the outside, but he knows that what matters is not how the world sees him, but how God sees him. He may continue to struggle and the trials will seem to storm unabated, but he knows who holds the future for him. He knows the need to exercise faith. He is both realistic and optimistic, knowing that both needs to be centered on the Person of Christ. Realistic like Jesus who willingly risks his own life for the greater cause. Optimistic like Jesus because far greater than the greater cause is the perfect promise of God.

What makes a man a man is one who will not quit on the eternal hope and promise. Like Billy Graham, who states with conviction about hanging on to God's promises.

"God takes the weak and makes them strong.
He takes the vile and makes them clean.
He takes the worthless and makes them worthwhile.
He takes the sinful and makes them sinless." (Billy Graham)

It is this promise that ought to energize men of God. It is the promise that is incarnated in the Person of Christ. This promise is fulfilled in the death of Christ. This promise will continue to be resurrected when Christ comes again. One more thing. Remember the word "zakar" for "male?" Christians who do not know what to do with their lives, ought to consider seriously their role with regards to gospel living. Carry the good news. Spread the message of Christ far and wide. Talk about Jesus. Brave through the skepticisms and criticisms. Be sure of one's faith. Be so focused on Christ, that nothing can deter us from testifying. Can we dare ourselves to offer our utmost for God? Once we start living more and more for things eternal, and less and less of things temporal, we are on our way to a great run for God. Counter man's greatest fear of weightlessness, but hanging on to what CS Lewis calls: "The Weight of Glory" in Christ. History is full of people who in spite of their weaknesses make a difference for God. Think of Augustine's Confessions, whose classic book of the same name has warmed the hearts of thousands. Think of King David's honest psalms, that have guided the prayers of millions of Jews, Christians, and others. Think of the brave prophets in the Bible, and the men of faith in Hebrews 11.

If you think you cannot make a difference, you are probably right. What we need is to do all things through Christ who strengthens us. That is the basis of weightful living.

“The world has yet to see what God can do in and through and for and by a man whose heart is totally His. I will do my utmost to be that man.” (D.L. Moody)

sabbathwalk

Saturday, July 20, 2013

One Flesh: Three Forms of I-Love-You's

TITLE: ONE FLESH, THREE FORMS OF I-LOVE-YOU's
SCRIPTURE: Genesis 2:23-25
Written by: Dr Conrade Yap
Date: July 20th, 2013

The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. (Gen 2:23-25)

KEY IDEA: Marriage is not about me or you. Neither is it about my needs or my spouse's needs. It is about how a couple is together in all things, working to build their marriage for the glory of God. This is done out of the truth of two persons becoming one flesh.

"You never listen!" screamed the woman.

"You don't understand me!" the man reacted.

The married couple stormed out of the restaurant. A dinner that began nicely had ended abruptly and angrily. Both had their points of view. Both persons made their cases. Both persons thought they were correct. As the couple leaves the restaurant, I cannot help but wonder how on earth are they going to resolve their dispute, if ever that is going to happen? In a relationship, must it always be a case where one person is right and the other is wrong? When communications break down, where do they go to?

Thinking from the perspective of the woman, she will be craving a listening ear and at the same time fuming why she cannot find that her husband can listen better. In a spate of anger, she has summed up her frustrations about the relationship in three words: "You never listen." Is it really true that anyone "never" listens? Probably not. The woman's words mainly reveal the gradual deterioration of the marriage. Maybe she is right. The man she loves has taken her for granted. She calls up her girlfriend to chat. After all, whenever she has marital problems, she knows there is a friend she can confide in.

Tom wonders why his wife had not taken the time to show him the respect that he deserves. After all, he works hard for the family, and brings in the money to pay the monthly expenses. He even gives her a monthly allowance. After all these efforts, the least she can do is to give him the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps, she has taken him for granted. This time, things have gone a little to far. He feels disrespected, misunderstood, and lonely. Thinking that he has no one else to turn to in his frustration, he picks up his cell phone, ready to dial the number of the one who has been giving him tender loving attention: His personal assistant, Phoebe. For if Rebecca is not willing to listen and to give him attention, Tom can easily find another person who will.

Who is right or who is wrong? Maybe, both are wrong.

That is my position too. For whenever there is a communications breakdown, both parties are at fault. Even a 10% fault makes one at fault. The arguments may have been correct from the respective persons, but both need to be responsible for the communications process. Just like finding the right cable to connect the electrical device to the power source. If the connector is wrong, or if the connections do not fit, there will be no power for the device. Just like square pegs in round holes, without the proper cables, all of our electronic or electrical devices are practically useless, especially when the battery runs out. When the communications break down, unless both parties make amends, the breakdown remains.

A) The Binary Mindset

One of the common problems in a marriage relationship is the binary mindset whenever there is a dispute. Take the couple for example. When there is a problem, our human nature makes us take the stand that “I am Right and You are Wrong.” Imagine if both parties assert their rights, and refuse to admit that they are wrong. It can lead to an impasse where both sides will not budge. Each feels that they have given in a lot already. Why then should they give in any further?

A binary mindset sees life in black and white. If you are not white, you must be black. If you don’t support my decision, you are against me. There is very little room to see that the world has not just whites or blacks, there are also Asians, Hispanics, Middle-Easterns, Eurasians, East Europeans, and so on. Likewise, there are many different reasons for supporting or not supporting any decisions. Maybe more information is needed. Perhaps, abstention is best in the light of doubt on both positions. Maybe, the decision needs to be delayed.

A binary mindset turns a colourful world very much into black and white. There is not much maturity in understanding the world of relationships. An immature relationship will coat life only with brushes of black and white paint. Here are some examples of a binary mindset.

If you don’t buy this toy for me, it means you don’t love me.
If you don’t like eating hamburgers, it means you hate fast food.
If you don’t say you love me, that means you don’t love me!
If you don't see my point of view, you are not interested in what I think.
...

Our love for our spouses is not a matter of buying stuff or not buying stuff. Neither is it about saying things according to the whims and fancies of the other person. We can remain faithful and loving even when we do not bow down to the personal preferences of our spouses. A black-and-white mindset will refuse to entertain a third point of view. It discards alternatives. For such a mindset, the only acceptable thinking is the I-am-Right-You-are-Wrong mentality. The question is: Why must it always be one person is right and the other wrong?

B) Both are Right?

Agreeing to Disagree Again?
(Credit: 1000Fights.com)

What if both persons think that both of them are right? They are then free to be entrenched in their positions, thinking that it is ok to agree to disagree. Perhaps, Tom and Rebecca are both right in their opinions. Perhaps they have already made their own conclusions. Blame it on the circumstances. Blame it on the restaurant ambiance. Blame it on the dog or the colour of the carpet! As long as their own views are preserved, they are willing to accept that all are correct, only different. While it can relieve the tension, I think it does not go far enough in bringing a sense of two persons becoming one in marriage. Without an agreed set of standards, each will set his or her own standards. Tom feels he is a good husband because he brings in the income. Rebecca believes that she is a good wife because she keeps the house clean. Without any desire to understand the other person, each stands their ground, insisting that they have done their best in their marriage. Two problems arise out of this attitude The first is, when pride is involved, it is easy to insist both are right, even when both are equally wrong. The second is this: There is no oneness.

C) One Flesh: What It Means

In Genesis, we read of how the first marriage relationship is formed.

The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. (Gen 2:23-25)

What makes any marriage unique is the union. This union is not just a physical union, but a holistic union. God creates man and woman. God blesses the marriage of one man and one woman. Both are united in the flesh, of two becoming one. That is the direction and purpose of marriage. That brings glory to God.

In that marriage, both are free to share of their deepest thoughts and feelings without shame, without fear, and without embarrassment. The man can feel free to share of himself without fear of negative repercussions. The wife can talk about her feelings totally trusting that the husband will honour her and protect her. When both are one flesh, both will know that whatever things they share or feedback to each other heal, help, or hurt BOTH OF THEM. That is what is meant by united in the flesh. In marriage, one is united physically, mentally, and spiritually.

This oneness is critical in marriages. The key reason why marriages break up is because there is no oneness. In fact, this is one of the major modern problems in marriage. Simply put, this dilemma is: “How can a husband and wife become one and yet retain their individual distinctivenesses?”

As long as we insist in our own way, any tiff, dispute, or argument, will spiral dangerously away toward a breakup, and quite possibly a divorce. When there is no oneness, there will be a broken marriage.

Marriage is a commitment to each other, not just oneself. Neither is it a sole commitment to please our spouses. Marriage is the union of two persons becoming one flesh. In this union, there is a shift of pronoun from I or You to WE. This is seen from the perspective of the married couple, and not our individual selves. The standard vocabulary that needs to be used often in any marriage are “we,” “our,” “together,” “ourselves,” and “us.”

A lot of research has gone into studying the reasons behind rising number of divorces in contemporary times. More than 100 years ago, only 10% of marriages ended in divorce. Now, it hovers around 50% at least! Marriage counselors Jack and Judith Balswick place a finger on “expectations” observing that fewer expectations lead to fewer divorces. As more men and women, husbands and wives become more highly educated, having more experiences and technical knowledge in worldly matters, they unwittingly apply the same set of expectations on their marital relationships. Spouses who have spent the whole day trying to meet customer demands and expectations return back to the home, hoping to be recharged and renewed by having their own spouse meet their demands and expectations. By bringing in work expectations home, they squeeze their marriage into the office mold, thinking that their spouses are the means to their own ends. That is the wrong way to see marriage. For marriage is plural, not singular people. Marriage is about two becoming one, not two becoming two persons or two opinions.

D) Both Wrong: Three Practical “I-Love-You”s

Perhaps, whenever there is a conflict or dispute, the better approach lies in recognizing both persons are wrong in some way. Do not behave like a perfect person being right all the time. A marriage is two persons trying to do the right thing TOGETHER. It is about coming back to a fresh union every day. In a dispute, press the marital RESET button through three practical forms of I-Love-You.

The first is: “I Am Sorry.” Whether we have the right thinking or idea is not important. The important thing is that the communications for some reason have failed. If Tom never listens, maybe Rebecca has chosen the wrong time to share of herself. Maybe, Rebecca needs to apologize for not recognizing the needs of her husband. Likewise, Tom can apologize for having a bad day and for being in a foul mood. Admit that they are wrong. These three words defuse lots of tension. It reminds us that everytime we point a finger at another person, several fingers are pointing back at us!

The second is: “Please Forgive Me.” Admitting one is wrong does not go far enough. One needs to seek genuine forgiveness. Give the spouse the benefit of the doubt. Allow one to sober up and seek the forgiveness of the other in humility and in recognition that we ourselves may not have been the best part of ourselves that day. Admitting we are wrong must be supported by a desire to seek forgiveness. This is what oneness is all about. Refusing to be one with our spouses means we are just happy saying we are sorry. For saying sorry without a seeking of forgiveness from the other is not union at all.

Finally, in working through any arguments, disputes, or marital conflicts, there is a third and most important step: “Let’s Try Again.” Note that the first two phrases have more to do with the individual. The first is about admitting one is wrong. The second is to ask the other to forgive one person. It is the third that prepares the marriage to grow again. The third one is no longer about “I” or “me.” It is about US. Trying again together as a couple stems from the unique recognition that both persons have a common interest to make the marriage work. Without this third step, any reconciliation is not complete.

When all things fail, try and try again. What does it mean to be one flesh? Let me close with the following thoughts by Jack and Judith Balswick about "differentiated unity" on how two individuals can become one over and over again.

"We have a separate identity in Christ.
We have high regard for self, spouse, and the relationship.
We seek God-validation as opposed to self- or spousal-validation.
We express ourselves as honestly and directly.
We earnestly listen to and take each other seriously.
We choose interdependency rather than dependency or independency." (Jack and Judith Balswick, A Model for Marriage, Downers Grove, IL: IVP Academic, 2006, 106)

THOUGHT: "Simply put, trinitarian theology conceptualizes God as three in one, a unity of three distinct divine persons in relationship. In like manner, a social scientific understanding of marriage is seen as a unity formed by tow distinctly differentiated spouse. We contend that God has created us to be in a mutually reciprocating relationship as two unique selves in relation to God and to each other." (Jack and Judith Balswick)

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Copyright by SabbathWalk. This devotional is sent to you free of charge. If you feel blessed or ministered to by SabbathWalk weekly devotionals, feel free to forward to friends, or to invite them to subscribe online at http://blog.sabbathwalk.org . You can also send me an email at cyap@sabbathwalk.org for comments or inquiries. Note that views expressed are personal opinions of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of any organization.

Friday, July 12, 2013

When Bad News Happens

TITLE: WHEN BAD NEWS HAPPENS
SCRIPTURE: Job 1:13-19
Written by: Dr Conrade Yap
Date: July 12th, 2013

13One day when Job’s sons and daughters were feasting and drinking wine at the oldest brother’s house, 14a messenger came to Job and said, “The oxen were plowing and the donkeys were grazing nearby, 15and the Sabeans attacked and made off with them. They put the servants to the sword, and I am the only one who has escaped to tell you!” 16While he was still speaking, another messenger came and said, “The fire of God fell from the heavens and burned up the sheep and the servants, and I am the only one who has escaped to tell you!” 17While he was still speaking, another messenger came and said, “The Chaldeans formed three raiding parties and swept down on your camels and made off with them. They put the servants to the sword, and I am the only one who has escaped to tell you!” 18While he was still speaking, yet another messenger came and said, “Your sons and daughters were feasting and drinking wine at the oldest brother’s house, 19when suddenly a mighty wind swept in from the desert and struck the four corners of the house. It collapsed on them and they are dead, and I am the only one who has escaped to tell you!” (Job 1:13-19)

It has been said that no news is good news. It remains true to this day. Just over the past week, there is news of an aircraft that crashed in a failed landing at the San Francisco airport. Two young high school students died. Over in Singapore, I read about the case of two persons who died in a tragic hit and run incident. Two men, father and son died. Hardly a day goes by without the news media reporting about an accident, a tragedy, a war, or some negative headline. Even within my personal circle of friends, I hear people who experience failures in tests, discouraging job searches, as well as terrible medical results. I also read about people whose children decides to take their own lives. Recently, I hear of someone having an advanced form of cancer! My heart breaks. Call it a bitter pill to swallow or a tragedy. Whatever it is, bad news like any of the above is gut wrenching.

Grieving parents of the deceased on Asiana Airlines Crash
(Photo Credit: news.com.au)

My heart goes out to the parents of the two young teenagers who must be wondering right now, why their girls are not among the 305 survivors. They may be asking, why them? Why of all people must they be the ones receiving such bad news? Why of all the girls in the world, it has to be their own flesh and blood who perished? Why on earth must it be Asiana Airlines Flight 214, exactly on July 6th, 2013 that had to crash? There are way too many unanswered questions, and too few answers. The grief is hard to bear. When bad news happens, there are no words to describe the anguish and despair. Only pain, suffering, and lots of tears.

What do we do when bad news happens?

A) First Person Response: Why me?

This is perhaps the most famous question to any form of bad news. The superstitious may start blaming on not responding better to bad omens prior to the tragedy. Maybe they have failed to make amends for their deeds. Maybe, their past has come back to haunt them. Maybe, there is someone who is out to make their lives miserable. The Chinese has a word called (dao mei, 倒霉) which is essentially "bad luck" or "cursed." For those who believe in reincarnation, they will easily blame it on the evils they have done in their past life. Christians of course do not believe in this cycle of births and rebirths, and will be forced to deal with the aftermath in the present and the future. Even among Christians, the two word response is common. For many, the question goes much deeper. Adam Hamilton shares about a man who lost everything during the 2008 recession.

“Why is God punishing me? I prayed. I gave to the church. I volunteered to serve others. And I lost everything! I just want to know what I did that was so bad that God would do this to me?” (Adam Hamilton, Why, Nashville, TN: Abingdon, 2011, p2)

Such thinking reflects a commonly held belief that as long as one does good, nothing bad will come. As long as one does evil, nothing good will happen. That is why for people who receives bad news even when they have done a lot of good, it is a bitter pill to swallow and a confusing puzzle to solve. Worse, when they see "bad people" receiving all the good, or simply being lucky, their bitterness increases, lamenting life is not fair. The philosophy of good guys win and bad guys lose does not truly reflect reality of life.

B) Second Person Response: Why not other people?

Each time someone asks "Why me" there is another related question, "Why not others?" It is a cry for fairness. Sometimes, it is a little easier to accept that one's loved one is not the exception but among the norm. Safety in numbers. At least, if there are other fatalities, one will not feel so bad or alone. Like the case of the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting tragedy, there are other affected parents who can find comfort and solace with fellow parents who have lost a child to the evil shootings. Better to feel among the grieving than to be alone in the mourning. Imagine how a parent will feel if their child is the "only" one who died, while everyone else survived? Such a parent will very well be asking beyond "Why me?" to ponder about "Why not others?"

This issue of fairness and justice is part of the human psyche to want to be treated equally and fairly. The truth is, this world is never fair in the first place. If one is born in a poor region, one grows up poor. If one is born with a silver spoon, one grows up privileged. If one is born with a handicapped, one is doomed to live with that disability for the rest of his/her life. Is that fair? The movie "Final Destination" is a horror flick that talks about how death stalks a person again and again. Once a victim has been identified by a "Death Force," even if the victim is able to avoid the death trap a couple of times, eventually, the victim dies. People who have experienced more than one setbacks in their lives will feel that they are the ones that have been stalked by "bad luck" or evil. Sometimes, our yearnings for fairness can also have a negative dimension. If positive means everyone wins, negative means everyone must lose, equally. Such an attitude stems from a selfish disposition.

C) Third Person Response: Thank God It's Not Me?

I think some of the most insensitive news coverage happens to be on people who have survived. Just after 9/11, some news agencies will be frantically covering the testimonies of people who survived the terrorist attacks. For some strange reason, a person missed a flight on one of the ill-fated planes that crashed into the twin towers. Another survivor woke up late and failed to attend a meeting. Yet another got caught in some last minute errands. On and on, we read of close shaves and strange out of the blue escapes. This reminds me again the comparison of the praying styles of the tax collector and the Pharisee. The former pleads for mercy. The latter thank God that he is not like some other kinds of sinners.

“The Pharisee stood and was praying this to himself: ‘God, I thank You that I am not like other people: swindlers, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector.' (Luke 18:11)

Talk about insensitive remarks. For every piece of bad news, there will be others who sing praises about their good fortune to be alive, or to have been on the "right" side of life. It can be the winner of the lottery, the one who just escaped a brush with death, or simply one who is plain lucky about something. I think it is important that we learn to be sensitive about tragedy situations. Whether one is fortunate or not, the priority must go to care for the grieving. Cut down on the reporting of the lucky people. Avoid bringing God into the blessings too quickly. For with every statement that says: "God has saved me from that fire!" there is a corresponding "Why did God let him burn?" There is no problem in giving thanks to God for the good in our private rooms. When it comes to the public sphere, be extra sensitive on victims, the families of victims, the grieving and those who are suffering. Silence is often a good rule of thumb,on either ends of the tragedy.

This third kind of response is not only unhelpful, it is unneighbourly. Angry about bad news on oneself is one thing. Wishing it on others whether directly or indirectly is cruel.

D) Meditation on Job 1

What about Job? How did he respond to tragedy?

This Bible book alone covers many issues of pain and suffering. It is a story of one who experiences a shift of fortunes from blessed to cursed. After all the upright living and pious spirituality, Job suddenly gets all the bad news. First, his property got stolen by enemies, and several of his servants murdered. Second, his sheep and several servants died when fire from above came down. Third, he lost more livestock, such as his camels. Fourthly, if those losses were not traumatic enough, a fourth servant came to inform him that all his children have died from a wind created disaster. Each time, there was a survivor, the "only one" who managed to escape the calamity and lived to tell Job the story.

See how the Bible describes the behaviour of Job.

20At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship 21and said: “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” 22In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing. (Job 1:20-22)

Job did not ask: "Why me?" like many of us modern folks. He did not complain about why the tragedy did not affect other people instead. Neither did he go around shaking his fist at God and cursing the Creator. All he is able to do is to recognize once again the Sovereignty of Almighty God. While losing possessions and the people he loves is one thing, suffering personally through physical ailments is another. In Job 2, we read about the fifth dimension of suffering, that is so bad that Job attempted to scrape his own skin with broken pottery (Job 2:8). The remarkable thing about this man of God is that, through it all, he did not sin (Job 2:10b).

E) What To Do When Bad News Happens?

What about applying the same question to ourselves? This is a tough one. I do not want to belittle the tsunami of pain and grief when bad news happens to anyone. That said, what I am sharing is for those while stunned, still wants some tips on what to do. That said, let me propose three things that anyone can do, especially Christians. This is what I call the fourth way to respond.

First, move toward the Healer. Prayer is a good option. There are many things that are not within one's control. At the same time, the human person tends to be most spiritually attuned to asking the meaning of life during times of pain and suffering. One story that I have recently read is one true story of pain and hurt. Two victims of a drunk driving accident had to reflect over and over again why people like them had to bear the brunt of the tragedy through no fault of their own. It was completely the drunk driver's fault whose vehicle slammed theirs. The drunk driver died on the spot with minimal suffering in terms of time (few seconds), the victims survived but had to suffer for years, even lifelong trauma, or post-traumatic stress disorders. For Dann and Tracey, they had to endure many weeks of emergency operations, months of rehabilitation, and years of pain and suffering. Yet, over and over again, they testify of God's healing presence and the power of prayer.

"We have had several other events that have revealed God's love and presence in our lives. While God sometimes intervenes when we least expect it, He also responds to our prayers and comes when we call Him and need Him most." (Dann Stadler, Angels in the Fire, Bloomington, MN: Bethany House, 2013, 185)

The famous nurse, Florence Nightingale comments about the place of prayer.

"Life is a hard fight, a struggle, a wrestling with the principle of evil, hand to hand, foot to foot. Every inch of the way is disputed. The night is given to us to take breath and to pray, to drink deep at the fountain of power. The day, to use the strength which has been given to us, to go forth to work with it till the evening." (Florence Nightingale, 1820-1910)

When we go toward the Healer, it may not necessarily guarantee relief from pain, but it surely increases our awareness that we are not alone, for God is walking with us in our pain.

This leads us to the second thing we can do. Look outward. As we work toward healing with God as the Healer, and the sole provider of peace and comfort, look on the needs of others more than ourselves. Learn to serve and to give. There is a story of a Chinese woman who suffered greatly after the death of her son. On the advice of a holy man, she goes on a journey of searching for some home that has NEVER known suffering. As she knocks on the doors of each household in search of this elusive happy family, she learns that every family has their own share of pain and suffering. In seeking closure and relief for her own pain, she becomes the comforter instead of the comforted; the minister instead of the ministered. CS Lewis shares this insight about the unique place of sufferers.

"The most beautiful people are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen. But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world." (CS Lewis)

Lewis calls these people "beautiful" those who have suffered. It reminds me of the beautiful feet of people who brings the gospel to people. The gospel is good news, and for those who have heard bad news, the gospel is perfect peace.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." (John 14:27)

Third, share about the healing process without forgetting the story of hurt. Learn to tell the story of our passageway through the valley of darkness. It is not for the purpose of re-living our grief and pain. It is the opportunity to reflect back and see once again that the Prince of Peace and Grace are with us even today. Imagine if there was no person such as Job who suffered. Imagine that no one had ever recorded the story of Joseph, who lived to tell about the faithfulness of God, turning evil into good. Imagine too that there was no Horatio Spafford who penned the beautiful hymn: "It is Well With My Soul." Helen Keller writes:

"Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it." (Helen Keller)

Yes! Balanced perspective. While it is ok to be grief-stricken for awhile, we need to move on. We need to embark upon a journey of hope, bringing goodness not only to others, but for the glory of God. Let me close with the chorus on one of the best songs to grieve and reflect with. Written by Laura Story, it tells of the song writer's personal struggle through her own spiritual darkness, when her husband was diagnosed with brain tumor. You can listen to this beautiful song here.

THOUGHT: 'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

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Pages

Friday, August 30, 2013

The Call to Worship (CW)

Friday, August 23, 2013

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Friday, August 16, 2013

The Fifth Quarter of Life

Friday, August 9, 2013

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Thursday, August 1, 2013

Woman's Greatest Fear(s)

Friday, July 26, 2013

Man's Greatest Fear

Saturday, July 20, 2013

One Flesh: Three Forms of I-Love-You's

Friday, July 12, 2013

When Bad News Happens