Sabbath Walk: Faithfulness

Showing posts with label Faithfulness. Show all posts

Saturday, January 10, 2015

The Heart of Prayer

TITLE: THE HEART OF PRAYER
SCRIPTURE:Philippians 4:6-7
Written by: Dr Conrade Yap
Date: January 10th, 2015

With lots of good intention, many people would rally their fellow believers to pray whenever they encounter some life challenges. It could be health related. It could be some major project milestone. It could also be travel concerns or some dangerous situations a loved one is in. Those of us in ministry would be familiar with such a request.

Please pray for me, for journey mercies.
Please pray for my family member who is undergoing some treatment.
Please pray for the persecuted Christians in country X.
Please pray for my upcoming job interview.

Maybe, prayer is simply an anxiety reliever. After all, didn't we read in Philippians 4:6 which calls us not be be anxious about anything, but to present all of our requests to God? Indeed, in the spirit of neutralizing our anxieties, we can ask people to pray for us. A closer read tells me something else. Philippians 4 can be interpreted as a personal call to the one reading the letter. It is Paul calling the Philippians not to panic, not to let anxieties and worries overwhelm us. Instead, offer it up to the Lord in prayer. For in prayer, we let the Spirit of God still our hearts and minds, to give us the peace of God that we all need for that moment and beyond.

Maybe, prayer has something to do with a hidden hope. A hope that the journey will be safe; that the family member would have good health results; that the persecution of Christians would stop; that the upcoming job interview would be positive; and so on. This hidden hope is simply wanting to see personal desires fulfilled. More importantly, it is an acknowledgment that we can only do so much, that there are many things not within our own control, that we need help with the fulfilling of our hopes. Who else can we go to when things appear to be spinning out of control?

One Flesh: Three Forms of I-Love-You's

TITLE: ONE FLESH, THREE FORMS OF I-LOVE-YOU's
SCRIPTURE: Genesis 2:23-25
Written by: Dr Conrade Yap
Date: July 20th, 2013

The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. (Gen 2:23-25)

KEY IDEA: Marriage is not about me or you. Neither is it about my needs or my spouse's needs. It is about how a couple is together in all things, working to build their marriage for the glory of God. This is done out of the truth of two persons becoming one flesh.

"You never listen!" screamed the woman.

"You don't understand me!" the man reacted.

The married couple stormed out of the restaurant. A dinner that began nicely had ended abruptly and angrily. Both had their points of view. Both persons made their cases. Both persons thought they were correct. As the couple leaves the restaurant, I cannot help but wonder how on earth are they going to resolve their dispute, if ever that is going to happen? In a relationship, must it always be a case where one person is right and the other is wrong? When communications break down, where do they go to?

Thinking from the perspective of the woman, she will be craving a listening ear and at the same time fuming why she cannot find that her husband can listen better. In a spate of anger, she has summed up her frustrations about the relationship in three words: "You never listen." Is it really true that anyone "never" listens? Probably not. The woman's words mainly reveal the gradual deterioration of the marriage. Maybe she is right. The man she loves has taken her for granted. She calls up her girlfriend to chat. After all, whenever she has marital problems, she knows there is a friend she can confide in.

Tom wonders why his wife had not taken the time to show him the respect that he deserves. After all, he works hard for the family, and brings in the money to pay the monthly expenses. He even gives her a monthly allowance. After all these efforts, the least she can do is to give him the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps, she has taken him for granted. This time, things have gone a little to far. He feels disrespected, misunderstood, and lonely. Thinking that he has no one else to turn to in his frustration, he picks up his cell phone, ready to dial the number of the one who has been giving him tender loving attention: His personal assistant, Phoebe. For if Rebecca is not willing to listen and to give him attention, Tom can easily find another person who will.

Who is right or who is wrong? Maybe, both are wrong.

That is my position too. For whenever there is a communications breakdown, both parties are at fault. Even a 10% fault makes one at fault. The arguments may have been correct from the respective persons, but both need to be responsible for the communications process. Just like finding the right cable to connect the electrical device to the power source. If the connector is wrong, or if the connections do not fit, there will be no power for the device. Just like square pegs in round holes, without the proper cables, all of our electronic or electrical devices are practically useless, especially when the battery runs out. When the communications break down, unless both parties make amends, the breakdown remains.

A) The Binary Mindset

One of the common problems in a marriage relationship is the binary mindset whenever there is a dispute. Take the couple for example. When there is a problem, our human nature makes us take the stand that “I am Right and You are Wrong.” Imagine if both parties assert their rights, and refuse to admit that they are wrong. It can lead to an impasse where both sides will not budge. Each feels that they have given in a lot already. Why then should they give in any further?

A binary mindset sees life in black and white. If you are not white, you must be black. If you don’t support my decision, you are against me. There is very little room to see that the world has not just whites or blacks, there are also Asians, Hispanics, Middle-Easterns, Eurasians, East Europeans, and so on. Likewise, there are many different reasons for supporting or not supporting any decisions. Maybe more information is needed. Perhaps, abstention is best in the light of doubt on both positions. Maybe, the decision needs to be delayed.

A binary mindset turns a colourful world very much into black and white. There is not much maturity in understanding the world of relationships. An immature relationship will coat life only with brushes of black and white paint. Here are some examples of a binary mindset.

If you don’t buy this toy for me, it means you don’t love me.
If you don’t like eating hamburgers, it means you hate fast food.
If you don’t say you love me, that means you don’t love me!
If you don't see my point of view, you are not interested in what I think.
...

Our love for our spouses is not a matter of buying stuff or not buying stuff. Neither is it about saying things according to the whims and fancies of the other person. We can remain faithful and loving even when we do not bow down to the personal preferences of our spouses. A black-and-white mindset will refuse to entertain a third point of view. It discards alternatives. For such a mindset, the only acceptable thinking is the I-am-Right-You-are-Wrong mentality. The question is: Why must it always be one person is right and the other wrong?

B) Both are Right?

Agreeing to Disagree Again?
(Credit: 1000Fights.com)

What if both persons think that both of them are right? They are then free to be entrenched in their positions, thinking that it is ok to agree to disagree. Perhaps, Tom and Rebecca are both right in their opinions. Perhaps they have already made their own conclusions. Blame it on the circumstances. Blame it on the restaurant ambiance. Blame it on the dog or the colour of the carpet! As long as their own views are preserved, they are willing to accept that all are correct, only different. While it can relieve the tension, I think it does not go far enough in bringing a sense of two persons becoming one in marriage. Without an agreed set of standards, each will set his or her own standards. Tom feels he is a good husband because he brings in the income. Rebecca believes that she is a good wife because she keeps the house clean. Without any desire to understand the other person, each stands their ground, insisting that they have done their best in their marriage. Two problems arise out of this attitude The first is, when pride is involved, it is easy to insist both are right, even when both are equally wrong. The second is this: There is no oneness.

C) One Flesh: What It Means

In Genesis, we read of how the first marriage relationship is formed.

The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. (Gen 2:23-25)

What makes any marriage unique is the union. This union is not just a physical union, but a holistic union. God creates man and woman. God blesses the marriage of one man and one woman. Both are united in the flesh, of two becoming one. That is the direction and purpose of marriage. That brings glory to God.

In that marriage, both are free to share of their deepest thoughts and feelings without shame, without fear, and without embarrassment. The man can feel free to share of himself without fear of negative repercussions. The wife can talk about her feelings totally trusting that the husband will honour her and protect her. When both are one flesh, both will know that whatever things they share or feedback to each other heal, help, or hurt BOTH OF THEM. That is what is meant by united in the flesh. In marriage, one is united physically, mentally, and spiritually.

This oneness is critical in marriages. The key reason why marriages break up is because there is no oneness. In fact, this is one of the major modern problems in marriage. Simply put, this dilemma is: “How can a husband and wife become one and yet retain their individual distinctivenesses?”

As long as we insist in our own way, any tiff, dispute, or argument, will spiral dangerously away toward a breakup, and quite possibly a divorce. When there is no oneness, there will be a broken marriage.

Marriage is a commitment to each other, not just oneself. Neither is it a sole commitment to please our spouses. Marriage is the union of two persons becoming one flesh. In this union, there is a shift of pronoun from I or You to WE. This is seen from the perspective of the married couple, and not our individual selves. The standard vocabulary that needs to be used often in any marriage are “we,” “our,” “together,” “ourselves,” and “us.”

A lot of research has gone into studying the reasons behind rising number of divorces in contemporary times. More than 100 years ago, only 10% of marriages ended in divorce. Now, it hovers around 50% at least! Marriage counselors Jack and Judith Balswick place a finger on “expectations” observing that fewer expectations lead to fewer divorces. As more men and women, husbands and wives become more highly educated, having more experiences and technical knowledge in worldly matters, they unwittingly apply the same set of expectations on their marital relationships. Spouses who have spent the whole day trying to meet customer demands and expectations return back to the home, hoping to be recharged and renewed by having their own spouse meet their demands and expectations. By bringing in work expectations home, they squeeze their marriage into the office mold, thinking that their spouses are the means to their own ends. That is the wrong way to see marriage. For marriage is plural, not singular people. Marriage is about two becoming one, not two becoming two persons or two opinions.

D) Both Wrong: Three Practical “I-Love-You”s

Perhaps, whenever there is a conflict or dispute, the better approach lies in recognizing both persons are wrong in some way. Do not behave like a perfect person being right all the time. A marriage is two persons trying to do the right thing TOGETHER. It is about coming back to a fresh union every day. In a dispute, press the marital RESET button through three practical forms of I-Love-You.

The first is: “I Am Sorry.” Whether we have the right thinking or idea is not important. The important thing is that the communications for some reason have failed. If Tom never listens, maybe Rebecca has chosen the wrong time to share of herself. Maybe, Rebecca needs to apologize for not recognizing the needs of her husband. Likewise, Tom can apologize for having a bad day and for being in a foul mood. Admit that they are wrong. These three words defuse lots of tension. It reminds us that everytime we point a finger at another person, several fingers are pointing back at us!

The second is: “Please Forgive Me.” Admitting one is wrong does not go far enough. One needs to seek genuine forgiveness. Give the spouse the benefit of the doubt. Allow one to sober up and seek the forgiveness of the other in humility and in recognition that we ourselves may not have been the best part of ourselves that day. Admitting we are wrong must be supported by a desire to seek forgiveness. This is what oneness is all about. Refusing to be one with our spouses means we are just happy saying we are sorry. For saying sorry without a seeking of forgiveness from the other is not union at all.

Finally, in working through any arguments, disputes, or marital conflicts, there is a third and most important step: “Let’s Try Again.” Note that the first two phrases have more to do with the individual. The first is about admitting one is wrong. The second is to ask the other to forgive one person. It is the third that prepares the marriage to grow again. The third one is no longer about “I” or “me.” It is about US. Trying again together as a couple stems from the unique recognition that both persons have a common interest to make the marriage work. Without this third step, any reconciliation is not complete.

When all things fail, try and try again. What does it mean to be one flesh? Let me close with the following thoughts by Jack and Judith Balswick about "differentiated unity" on how two individuals can become one over and over again.

"We have a separate identity in Christ.
We have high regard for self, spouse, and the relationship.
We seek God-validation as opposed to self- or spousal-validation.
We express ourselves as honestly and directly.
We earnestly listen to and take each other seriously.
We choose interdependency rather than dependency or independency." (Jack and Judith Balswick, A Model for Marriage, Downers Grove, IL: IVP Academic, 2006, 106)

THOUGHT: "Simply put, trinitarian theology conceptualizes God as three in one, a unity of three distinct divine persons in relationship. In like manner, a social scientific understanding of marriage is seen as a unity formed by tow distinctly differentiated spouse. We contend that God has created us to be in a mutually reciprocating relationship as two unique selves in relation to God and to each other." (Jack and Judith Balswick)

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Copyright by SabbathWalk. This devotional is sent to you free of charge. If you feel blessed or ministered to by SabbathWalk weekly devotionals, feel free to forward to friends, or to invite them to subscribe online at http://blog.sabbathwalk.org . You can also send me an email at cyap@sabbathwalk.org for comments or inquiries. Note that views expressed are personal opinions of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of any organization.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Standing Up For Jesus

TITLE: STANDING UP FOR JESUS
Written by: Conrade Yap
Date: 21 Dec 2011
SCRIPTURE: Luke 1:74

"He promised to rescue us from our enemies' power so that we could serve Him without fear by being holy and honorable as long as we live." (Luke 1:74, GW)

MAIN POINT: Fear not. Do not be afraid to stand up for your faith, even when society frowns on your worship of Jesus during this festive period. If believers do not stand up for their own faith, how will others take any interest?

Credit: Blackshear Place Baptist Church

It is this time of the year where spiritual and secular battle lines are drawn once again. Santa Claus vs the Son of God; 'Happy Holidays' vs 'Merry Christmas;' or commercialization of the Christ's event vs concentrating on Christ. Last year, I wrote about what Christians ought to do with 'Santa Claus.' I had argued that instead of confronting others about the use of Santa Claus, and become killjoys of people's happy occasions, Christians could use the relatively happy mood to point people to Christ. By our very presence, we can be living reminders of God's grace.

A) Banned from Wearing the Cross

It is no secret that many countries in the West are increasingly secular. Even Europe which has had a long and colourful history of Christian roots have swung to a secularism that tends more toward anti-Christ. In 2006, a British Airways employee by the name of Nadia Eweida was banned from the workplace because she was wearing a small cross around her neck. According to a spokesperson from BA, the official policy is that no religious symbols are allowed to be worn in the workplace. Since the wearing of the cross around Eweida's neck is a religious symbol, it has to be removed every time she goes to work for BA. Eweida refuses to back down, and opts to stay home rather than to compromise on her right to display her affection for Jesus. The main BA contention is that they are not saying Eweida cannot wear her cross. The only condition is that she has to keep it hidden away from customers, colleagues, or anyone in the workplace.

Eweida refuses to comply and accuses her employer of religious discrimination. It is her freedom to practice what she believes in. This sparks one of the biggest uproar in the United Kingdom, as both camps trade angry arguments. While the secularists and the atheists are cheering the BA decision, church leaders in England are not pleased. They protest their public displeasure. The archbishop of Canterbury threatens to boycott the airline and initiate the sale of all of the Church of England's share in the national airline. That will have created havoc to the share price of British Airways. The archbishop, Rowan Williams finds the lack of tolerance of people wearing a cross to work, 'offensive.' The archbishop fearlessly fights for the right of Eweida to practice her faith. Thankfully, BA finally backs down. If they have been allowed to ban the wearing of the crucifix, then BA will have to ban turbans for religious Sikhs, or veils from Muslim women.

B) 'Happy Holidays' or 'Merry Christmas'

This saga repeats itself every year. Somehow, while many countries in Asia do not see it a problem to use 'Christmas' as an open reference to commemorate the birth of Christ, not so in the West. It seems like the West is beginning to banish symbols of Christianity not only on normal days, but on the Christmastide as well! What is happening? Even the humble Christmas tree has been banned from one Ontario courthouse, based on the judge's logic that the courtroom must remain secular. People are replacing Christmas greetings with 'holiday' greetings. Crosses are removed if it offends the secular eye. If that is so, maybe churches in future will not be allowed to ring the church bells if they sound overly religious to the secular ear.

Personally, I do not have a problem with 'Happy holidays.' The problem comes when people tries to shove secular ideals down the throats of religious people. Tolerance must happen both ways. For instance, just because Canada is a secular society does not mean Christians have to toe the line to refrain from verbalizing 'Merry Christmas.' Hey! You are free to say 'Happy Holidays.' Don't tell us that we cannot wish people, 'Merry Christmas.'

Recently, at the commemoration of 400 years of the King James Bible translation, the British Prime Minister boldly calls the UK a 'Christian nation.' Lots of displeasure and bemusement begins to circulate all over the Internet, that David Cameron has lost touch with the fact that modern Britain is more secular than Christian. In his speech at Oxford, he emphasizes the need for Christians to stand up for what they believe, instead of bowing down to pressures by secularists to quieten down their practice of faith. Being a Christian does not mean dumbing down others. It simply means being bold to testify of one's Christian heritage.

"We are a Christian country and we should not be afraid to say so," he told the audience at Christ Church. . . . Let me be clear: I am not in any way saying that to have another faith - or no faith - is somehow wrong. . . .I know and fully respect that many people in this country do not have a religion. And I am also incredibly proud that Britain is home to many different faith communities, who do so much to make our country stronger.. . . But what I am saying is that the Bible has helped to give Britain a set of values and morals which make Britain what it is today." (BBC report, 16 Dec 2011)

Don't be afraid to stand up for Jesus. Those who insist on 'Happy Holidays' should not insist on Christians' right to call the season, Christmas. Christians have rights too. They have rights to worship Jesus the way that they want. If secularists insist upon Christian not to impose faith on them, the reverse is equally true. Secularists cannot insist that Christians stop worshipping or proclaiming their faith. They can do their shopping. Let Christians do their worshipping.

C) Fearless Faith

Zechariah the priest has seen the power of God. After his unbelief, he is struck dumb (Luke 1:20). Once the Word of the Lord has been fulfilled, his mouth opens and he proclaims the powerful works that his son, John the Baptist will be doing for God. Luke 1:67-79 is his prophecy. It is a prophecy of God working in the lives of his people. God rescues the people from their enemies, that they will serve God without fear. The gospel writer mentions two things that demonstrates bold and fearless faith: Be holy, and honorable all their lives. Dietrich Bonhoeffer, in his wonderful book, the Cost of Discipleship reminds us,

"When God calls a man, he bids him come and die."

This is discipleship at its core: Proclaiming the Name of the Lord boldly. No fear. It is fearless faith. Several years ago, Nathan Chan, a student at the Stanford Graduate School makes this insighful comment about how multiculturalism is actually individualism in disguise.

"If you take multiculturalism to an extreme, it is very individualistic, you have your own bias, and you can think what you want in that box, so long as you don't affect others' boxes. When you say that Christianity is the only truth, you are imposing on someone's box." (quoted in Tim Stafford's article, 'Campus Christian and the New Thought Police' in Christianity Today, 10 Feb 1992, 19)

D) Heroes of the Faith

Only those who have been changed by the gospel will proclaim fearless faith. There is no halfway faith. It is either we believe in Jesus or we do NOT believe in Jesus. The tragedy in many Christians is that they shun away too easily from any debates with people who disagree with them. This is not necessary. Even if we are not able to command a wide range of theological points for debate, each of us has a story to tell. Our testimony. If we fail to tell the story of how Christ has changed our lives, we not only lose the opportunity to share Christ, we fail to live up to our own calling as disciples of Christ. There are other modern heroes that have boldly stood up for their faith. There is the Coptic priest called Zakaria Botros, who is currently heavily protected because of his fervent preaching of the gospel. He has become so influential that some Muslim radicals have promised to pay out $50 million to anyone who assassinates him. Yet, Botros speaks out fearlessly, preferring to fear God rather than man.

There is Charles Colson, the man who is one of the driving forces behind the Manhattan declaration that seeks to stand up for traditional values such as marriage being between a man and a woman, and other fundamentals of faith. He is constantly ridiculed by many, including some Christians for his stand. His conviction to Christ leads him to start many powerful ministries, of which the most well-known is the Prison Fellowship. Then there is Corrie Ten Boom, who boldly demonstrates the love of God through her forgiveness of her most bitter enemies. Apart from these people, there are many unsung heroes of the faith. One of them is the British Airways employee, Nadia Eweida, who prefers to take a no-pay leave to fight for her right to stand up for her faith even in the workplace.

We do not have to be a Ten Boom, a Colson, or a Botros. All of us can be like Eweida. My fellow readers, do not be afraid to call the name of Jesus, especially during this Christmas and every Christmas season. Jesus after all, is still the reason for the season. Don't be afraid. Be fearless. Stand up for Jesus, ye soldier of the Cross. Joy to the world, the Lord has come. Let earth receive the King!

Thought: "The best argument for Christianity is Christians: their joy, their certainty, their completeness. But their strongest argument against Christianity is also Christians - when they are sombre and joyless, when they are self-righteous and smug in complacent consecration, when they are narrow and repressive, then Christianity dies a thousand deaths.." (Sheldon Vanauken, A Severe Mercy, New York, NY: Harper Collins, 1977, 85)

Sabbathwalk.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Solitude Is Risky

TITLE: Solitude Is Risky
Written by: Conrade Yap
Date: 2 Aug 2011

“But I am afraid, lest as the serpent deceived Eve by his craftiness, your minds should be led astray from the simplicity and devotion to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 4:3)

What do we do when we are alone? What happens when we venture out into the wilderness alone? In this week’s SabbathWalk, I shall reflect upon ‘solitude’ by highlighting one of the greatest dangers when we are alone. There are inherent risks and dangers in our walk alone. Let me give you a clue. It begins with the letter ‘T.’

1) Lone Business Trips

When I travel on business trips, there is a feeling of importance. When I make a trip on behalf of my organization, there is a sense of purposefulness. The objectives may be different, like attending a conference, training, meeting up business partners, or coordinating a critical phase of a project. Different objectives, same effect. Behind each worthy goal lies a sinister temptation. It is that temptation of sinning when no one is looking.

Of Disasters, Deaths, and Devastation

TITLE: Of Disasters, Deaths and Devastation (Part 2 of 3)
Written by: Conrade Yap
Date: 14 March 2011

This is the second part of a 3-part Lenten series on prayer. Part One touches on cultivating patience in waiting through four benefits of patience. Part Two deals with how to pray in the light of disasters, deaths and devastation.

“You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. All these are the beginning of birth pangs.” (Matthew 24:6-8)

MAIN POINT: In times of natural disasters, the last thing we ever need is finger-pointing or name blaming. The first thing we must do is to pray, and to ask God for wisdom and boldness to help.

For the past week, I have been getting sad news one after another. A member of my study group has died. Some friends are seriously ill. Others are plain anxious, even fearful of the unknown future. With the depressing sight of devastation in North-East Japan after a deadly tsunami, I can understand anyone who is feeling downright distressed and dumbfounded right now.

{If you have not seen the devastation caused by the March 12th tsunami, check below.

Waves engulfing Sendai [link]
Terrifying Waves [link]
Unforgiving Tsunamic [link]}

The threat of a huge nuclear disaster on top of the tsunami aftermath makes me sick. When will it all end? When will the bad news stop coming? How long must we wait for God to intervene and take away the pain and suffering? So many questions. No answer.

A) Foolish Theologizing
A Japanese friend of mine has been getting nasty comments about her home nation. Phrases such as ‘Japan deserves it;’ and ‘God is punishing Japan.....’ are some of the most foolish and insensitive comments received. I am appalled at such words, even from people who claim to be ‘Christian.’

What is wrong with those people? Don't they have a heart at all? If anyone wants to philosophize about why such suffering is happening to Japan, do it later, and not now. Who gives anybody the right to say horrible things like these, and to pronounce judgments as if one is God? No one is immune from natural disasters. The Bible tells us to expect disasters and natural calamity. Interestingly, it does not tell us when or any reason why. They are simply signs of the end times. If one laughs at the unfortunate now, it will be counted against that person when that person suffers a similar fate in future.

In times of natural disasters inflicted upon our fellow human beings, the last thing we need is to start finger pointing or name blaming. We need to stop any foolish theologizing, and start praying and thinking about how to help.

B) Four Ways to Help
I suppose you must be thinking how you can be of help. This is only natural. It is part of our make-up as people made in the image of God. As much as we detest seeing such devastation, deaths and disasters, we know that we are called to be a part of the solution instead of the problem. Let me suggest 4 things that we can do.

First, pray for yourself. This may seem surprising. Let me explain. I find that some Christians in the Church have a tendency of using ‘praying for you’ as a convenient catch-all phrase to say something nice quickly, so that they can hurry along to do their own thing. For example, when Jennifer shares about the death of her mother, her church friend Geraldine quickly says:

“Oh dear. I’m sorry. Don’t worry. I’ll pray for you.”

Geraldine then walks out, glad that these magical four words gives her a convenient exit from an otherwise depressing conversation. In the midst of her busyness with her other scheduled activities, soon Geraldine forgets about the grieving Jennifer.

What happened to the “I’ll pray for you?”

When we commit ourselves to intercede for someone, make sure the promise is kept. We must pray to God for ourselves first not to be hypocrites in the first place. We ask God to help us to pray, as we do not know all the details of the person’s grief. We ask God to guide us to learn when to stay silent, and when to speak up. We remind ourselves that God is Sovereign. By asking other people to trust God, are we trusting God ourselves? Thus, pray to God that we be reminded we are helpless without God.

Second, pray for personal boldness. It is easy to simply utter words of intercession. It is easy to say flowery prayers. What matters is the condition of our heart. How about praying:

“Father God. Empower me to help. Enable me to be part of the solution, and not part of the problem. Help me to give generously. Guide me to pray constantly. Grant me boldness to volunteer fearlessly. Oh God, show me how to help Japan right now. For we ask in the name of Jesus.”

When it comes to doing good works, boldness is needed.

Third, pray for corporate togetherness. Whether you are a Church, a cell group, a community gathering, or simply a small group of friends, you can come together to help. Go on a prayer vigil to remind one another we need God to intervene. Organize fund raising activities to show people we can still care despite the distance. Together, come to God boldly as a group. The Book of Hebrews exhort us as a body to:

“Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” (Hebrews 4:16)

How fitting. We remind ourselves that God is ever ready to receive us. He wants to share of His love to all mankind.

Fourth, pray for wisdom for the long haul. Many responses to natural disasters tend to be more knee-jerk that do not last. When all the world’s media is showering attention on the event, people rush to help. Some go out of pure compassion. Some are there simply because it is their job. Others simply want to snap up a piece of publicity, or to lace up one’s resume for self-gain. True compassion is not short-sighted or short-term. It endures.

C) Help is a Long-Term Commitment; Not a Short-Term Comment
In early 2010, Dr David Horn of Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary led a team of students on a humanitarian mission to New Orleans. In his report, he made some pointed observations. Immediately after the New Orleans disaster in 2005, the media were full of praise for people offering to help. Hollywood stars like Brad Pitt even went to build new houses for the homeless then. Political leaders score high approval ratings simply by being there, in the midst of suffering.

Now, more than five years later, where are the news crews? Where are the Hollywood stars? Where are the famous politicians? Horn observes that the people he sees are staff and volunteers representing many Churches, Christian organizations. Here are the words of Horn.

“One of the unsung songs in the national media, now that the television cameras are gone after five years, is that it is almost solely faith-based organizations—churches, Christian schools, and other religious organizations-- that are still packing their bags and heading down to New Orleans to patch the city back together again. Where did everyone else go? But why should the national media care? They already have their story. And the story is that apparently the church is full of hypocrites who think about little else but heaven.” (David Horn, Where is Brad Pitt Now?, GCTS website)

To those who constantly smirks, “Where is God in the midst of suffering?” I challenge them:

“Where are YOU in the midst of suffering?”

Perhaps, when we spend our limited time, addressing the ‘log’ in our own eyes, we will have lesser time worrying about the ‘speck’ in another person’s eye. We will have more time to think of solutions, and less time to look for people to blame. There will always be people ready to point an accusing finger at the Church being ‘full of hypocrites.’ Let them point. Let them accuse. Christians have better things to do. Our job is to serve God faithfully by being part of the solution. Quietly but surely. Pray, and then move.

Thought: Be part of the solution, and not part of the problem. Be part of the long-term commitment, not the short-term knee-jerk offering of help.

sabbathwalk

Friday, January 14, 2011

Self-Love a Marriage Killer

TITLE: SELF-LOVE IS A MARRIAGE KILLER
Written by: Conrade Yap
Date: 14 Jan 2011
Note: This article is the first of a 2-part series on the call to unconditional love in marriages.

“It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” (1 Cor 13:5, NIV)

MAIN POINT: Self-love is deceptive. Before true love can increase, self-love must decrease.  

One of the most popular topics I have dealt with in my years of ministry is marriage.

“If there is no more love, should I leave my husband?”
“I am no longer in love. What’s the point of continuing in the marriage?”
“I do not have a happy marriage. I am not sure if it is God’s will for me to remain in this unhappy state.”
“At home, we quarrel and fight a lot in our marriage. When outside, we pretend we are the nicest couple. I feel like a hypocrite.”
“Apart from adultery, is it ok for Christian couples to divorce when they no longer love each other?”

Troubled marriages affect people of all cultures, and all classes of income levels. Both riches and poverty can cause dissent, discontentment, stress and unhappiness. I have personally gone through both ends in my growing up years. My parents quarrelled very often when I was growing up in the 70s. The D-word was liberally used. Fights were frequent. Furniture were often the first victims. My siblings and I would huddle together in fear, hoping that the storm would abate sooner than later. One common chorus that came up during such fights was this:

“If not for the kids, I would have filed for a divorce.”

Now as I look back, romance is never really a major part of my parents’ marriage. In some way, I can see how my parents’ marriage is transformed from romance to commitment; from fantasy to reality; from childishness to maturity. Marriage is a TIP: Transformation in Progress. It begins with a transformation of self. It requires one to look beyond self-importance. It needs one to move away from self-love.

A) Love is Many A ‘Self’-Splendored Thing
You may ask: “But isn’t love necessary for relationships, especially marriages?”

I believe it is, but I do not want to romanticize the word ‘love.’ This is one reason why I prefer the King James Bible use of ‘charity’ (more giving rather than receiving) in 1 Corinthians 13. I am afraid many Christians translate subconsciously:

“And now these three remain: faith (in me), hope (for me), love (me). But the greatest of these is (self) love” (a self-seeker rendition of 1 Cor 13:13)

Such interpretations betray the very essence of love; where love is not self-seeking, not easily angered, and not keeping record of wrongs. (1 Cor 13:5b)

I think society at large has overstated the importance of love. Not that I disagree with the idea of love. I think people have defined ‘love’ based on their own terms more than anything else. Self-love appears to be the trend in many marriages, masqueraded as needs. Self-love remains a primary motivator.

“He does not love ME anymore, why should I care about the relationship?”
“I do not feel loved. He doesn’t care for ME.”
“My needs are not met.”
“What’s in the marriage for ME?”
“I have given in so much, but she hardly contributes anything to the marriage.”

Human beings have a tendency toward self-love. Giving does not come easily. Forgiving appears foreign. Seeking the benefits of others first remains the ideal picture that can work only within the printed pages of many marriage books. Ever thought about how big the SELF-HELP industry is? A quick check on Amazon.com reveals a whopping selection of materials for “Health, Mind & Body” section. There you can find books such as:

“When am I going to be Happy?”
“The Power of Self-Coaching”
“The Courage to be Yourself”
“Learning to Love Yourself”

You get the point. If you want to sell books, talk about self-love. If you want attention, talk about loving the self more than others. Unfortunately, marriage is not a proverbial ‘nail’ for any self-help ‘hammer’ to work on. It is a plant that needs cultivating. Our chief problem in marriage is our tendency to see marriages with goggles of self-love. Staying in marriage becomes a conditional ‘Only-If.’ Only if the husband treat her well. Only if the wife behaves in a certain way. A 50/50 marriage looks more like a contract fulfilled only 50% at best. It is not Christian at all. Self-love is 50/50. True love is 100/100 regardless.
KEY POINT: Self-Love restricts oneself toward a contract (50-50) rather than a covenant (100% regardless).

B) Marriage as a Plant
A marriage is not a path toward self-fulfillment. It is about planting a seed of love together. It is about watering this plant gently with care. It is about giving it enough sunlight. Not too much that the young seedling gets scorched. Not too little that the plant becomes wrinkled. Just enough for it to grow well. This cycle of care will result in a tree that brings forth fruits in its season.

A self-seeking person is not patient to wait for the seed to germinate. No pause for admiration. No time for perspiration. The self-seeker will rush the growth. If the growth is not there, he/she will find all kinds of formulae to try to spear its growth artificially, not naturally. The self-seeker will add in additional supplements, or growth accelerators. If possible, this self-seeker will even attempt a transplant. The self-seeker seeks to control growth. Anything that frustrates this control tempts this person toward the D-word. He/She demands results. He/she demands fruit even though it is out of season. Like a tree that refuses to shed its leaves during Winter, the self-seeker dehydrates the tree and freezes the relationship.

KEY POINT: Self-Seeking kills relationships.

C) A Story Of Two Gardens
Two gardeners began planting shrubs in early January. The rain, snow and frosty conditions have practically laid bare the garden for planting.

The first gardener tried to do things in a rush. He used chemical de-icers to melt any frost and icy grounds quickly. Concerned only about his dream plant, he did not bother with the rest of the plants in the garden. Seeing a cup-like bird feeder on the fence as an eye-sore, he removed it and threw it away, sensing that there is no use for it anyway.

The second gardener also planted the same shrub in almost identical conditions. Instead of using chemical de-icers, he used compost to work the ground. Though it took a little more time, the ground became more enriched by the organic mixture. He cleaned away the foliage in the surrounding plants, believing that the neighbouring plants do affect the growth of his shrub. He added bird seeds to the bird-feeder, hoping to encourage birds to visit his garden.

Spring arrived. Both shrubs germinate and grew. The first gardener saw results only for that year. The second gardener saw results year after year, after year. Why?

In rushing the de-icing, the first gardener’s use of chemical de-icers damaged the ground. The higher salt content from the chemicals may have sped up the de-icing, but it made the soil more toxic for plants. He left the surrounding plants untouched, even the eggs laid by bugs and insects. No bird feeders meant there were no birds to reduce the insect population.

On the other hand, the second gardener, saw a bigger picture. He cared for the soil. He cared for the surrounding plants. He cared for the birds. In turn, the soil helped the plants. Insects are fewer, thanks to the clearing of eggs from the surrounding foliage. Birds came that Spring to help reduce the insect population. The entire ecosystem becomes a pleasant experience that enriches the visitor.

KEY POINT: A caring heart learns to see the big picture, and will care beyond oneself. The Self-Seeker only sees one small rabbit's hole.

D) Cultivating a Godly Marriage
Marriage is like planting a seed. We cannot rush it. We need to care for it selflessly. We need to see the big picture, instead of a tiny world of self-love. We should never depend on quick-fix solutions like chemical de-icers. Even if our spouses do not bother with bird-feeders, does not mean we do the same. Let our patient gardening be a demonstration that it is possible to grow our marriages, beginning with us.

Let our faithfulness please God first of all;
Let our reward be in the LORD;
Let our commitment to love be motivated by God’s love;
Let our diligence be toward honouring God, regardless of how our spouses treat us;
Let our love for the LORD lead to to practice love unconditional.

There is a biblical pattern of being an example so as to win the spouse over. In God’s time.

“For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. “ (1 Cor 7:14)

Though written for the wife unequally yoked with a non-believer, the principle of being a blessing to the family is still applicable. This willingness to be a blessing is NOT contingent to the spouse playing his part.

Cultivating a marriage needs time. It needs patience. It needs more God-seeking rather than self-seeking. In God, we can become the person we are meant to be. Banish self-seeking. Banish self-love. Cultivate charity to God and to others, especially your spouse. Unconditionally.

“Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate. “ (Barnett Brickner)

Thought: It is always easier to change oneself than to change your spouse. If you take care of your own flaws, you will not have enough time to be too critical about your spouse's shortcomings.

sabbathwalk

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Searching for Meaning

TITLE: Searching for Meaning
Written by: Conrade Yap
Date: 28 Dec 2010

“To man belong the plans of the heart, but from the LORD comes the reply of the tongue. “ (Prov 16:1)

MAIN POINT: Four Positive Learnings from the Year 2010. Four ways to find meaning through the past year.

For the past 10 years, I have used the last week each year to do an annual reflection of my own life. This year is no different. In fact, when I told my senior pastor about my intention to take a personal reflective retreat, he invited me to preach about it. Last year, I declined so that I can be with my family down at Seattle for the New Year street party bash. This year, I thought I should accept the challenge. My reflection this year is essentially a search for meaning.

I have been writing SabbathWalk for the past 2 years, and it has been very helpful as I take a day a week to simply share my spiritual journey, a process of ‘Sabbathing.’ As part of my doctoral thesis, I want to use this SabbathWalk to encourage my readers to take the Sabbath seriously. God created the world in six days, and he rested on the seventh. Should we as his creation not do the same?

Searching for Meaning
In one Bible Study recently, I shared with my group the need to beware of the 3Ms in modern society. The first is the temptation of Money/Materialism. This age-old threat continues to wreak havoc on the spiritual lives of many, replacing the need for God with the wants of materialism. The second is the threat of ‘Me-ism,’ where individualistic concerns overwhelm community care. The third M is basically the threat of Multiplicity, which I describe as a dizzy array of distractions from technology, busyness, and all manner of care and concerns. In our modern world, it is this third M that is a major threat to our spirituality. We cannot find meaning in any of the 3 Ms. Meaning can only be understood through the Word of God. Meaning cannot be found in Money, or self-fulfilment via Me-ism, or the huge array of multiple distractions in technology, business, or knowledge. While these 3Ms are stuff I want to avoid, there are four things I want to embrace.

1) Wise Up
We need to learn wisdom each year. This year, like many others has their share of ups and downs. accomplishments as well as mistakes, the important thing is that we do not repeat the mistakes of the past. When we learn from mistakes, we will benefit from the past.

My year began with an unwitting foray in a consulting business started by a friend. I was invited to provide some business expertise, even being offered promises of a share in the enterprise. The owner is a believer in Christ, and has tried to offer me a way to use my talents. What began with promise ended quite mysteriously. Without warning, I was dropped. I was left to wonder why.

I learn that I need to wise up, regarding trusting people. In business, even among believers, things do not always work out. There is no need to mourn over a failed business relationship. Indeed, man may plan out, but the meaning behind each plan comes from the LORD.

Though I was hurt by the whole arrangement, I learn that I need to re-focus on my core skills, and not be distracted by failure. Learning from failed business relationships teaches first-hand how messed up the world is. What we plan does not always come out the way we wanted. Christ didn’t say that Christian businesses all become 'successful' but for believers to be faithful. Wise up but press on.

2) Give Out
My giving has not been regular since I began my theological journey. After all, if I have no income, how can I tithe? While I have given the Church a substantial amount of time and talent, serving in many different ways, and offering hospitality to visitors and friends, there is still something very unique about monetary giving. Recently, I re-started my tithing, and it has re-energized my faith. I learn that giving is an act of faith and worship.

Earlier this month, I decide to forego my purchase of a new electronic gadget upgrade. The money saved goes directly into giving to a needy cause. Instead of building up my collection of technological toys, perhaps, the money can encourage someone who needs the money more. After issuing the payment to this charity, a few weeks later, I received a gift card from someone else. Issued in my name, it is an EXACT amount that I had given away. What is particularly intriguing is not only the amount but the manner in which I feel God is speaking to me.

I learn that we express our faith through giving. When we practice giving, God is pleased, and He will encourage us in very unique ways. Giving is an act of worship, and it should be a mark of every disciple of Christ.

3) Learn Within
Soren Kierkegaard once said:

“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards."

This insight is so applicable when we reflect upon our lives. For me, the past year has been full of goodbyes. A member of my Church describes it well when he talks about attending 5 funerals over 3 weeks. It reminds me that I am not getting any younger. When I look at my children, my nieces and nephews, I cannot help but feel a sense of getting old. My father passed away few months ago. As the eldest son, I have a heightened awareness of responsibilities. I remember the words of my father that my family is not one that should seek fame and fortune. How precious these words are. In fact, it is very Christian.

I learn to be glad about living a quiet life. There is no need to seek fame or great fortune. More often than not, if it is the Lord’s will, fame and fortune will seek us. For me, seeking Christ must remain first and foremost.

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Matthew 6:33)

I should not be discouraged when the things I do are not recognized for fame, or paid back in terms of fortune. Instead, what I do for Christ, I need to learn not to expect earthly returns, but heavenly accumulation of Christlikeness.

4) Gratitude Always
Finally, I thank God for a year. For all its beauty and ugliness, its hello’s and goodbyes, its joys and its sorrows, this is the same world that God loves so much. He comforts me when I am sad. He remains my anchor of hope when all things seem to be at the mercy of the winds going out of control.

I give thanks for the group of men faithfully meeting in my Church. They came out strongly each fortnight to study the book of Job. While not everyone attends, the enthusiasm of those who are present are contagious. I give thanks for the small group of faithful readers to this blog, and for those who regularly encourage me in my writing. I give thanks for my family and friends who are there for me in my darkest moments.

I learn to be grateful for those who are present, and are faithful, and not be distracted or discouraged by those who are absent.

Closing Words
Let me end the year with a prayer.

“Dear heavenly Father,

Thank you for Your faithful guidance through the year. You have taught me to wise up and to learn from mistakes. You showed me that wisdom is often learned in hard and challenging times. You taught me about giving. You showed me what it means to be reflective upon the cause of Christ, and the cost of following Jesus. Despite the ups and downs of the year, you call me to remain faithful and thankful. True meaning can only be found in You alone. Lead me away from temptations, of materialism, of Me-ism and of Multiple distractions in life. Give me what I need. Not too much or too little. Just enough.

Help me to learn that Your will is for me to learn to attain wisdom, to give and share of my gifts, to reflect on your goodness, and to be thankful. Within each of these ways are precious glimpses of You as a Person. May the New Year be filled with more opportunities to learn from You. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.“

Sabbathwalk wishes all readers a Meaningful New Year.

Thought: While it is said that "Man proposes, God disposes," perhaps the following is better. "Man may plan , God always has a better plan."

sabbathwalk

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

The Gift of Friendship

TITLE: The Gift of Friendship
Written by: Conrade Yap
Date: 21 Sep 2010

MAIN POINT: We are made to need friends. Each act of friendship is an opportunity to exercise 2 benefits: In loving others, we become more love-able ourselves.

The past few weeks have been rough for me. Just over a couple of weeks, I get to experience the extremities of human emotions. From a high of enjoying a rare beautiful holiday cruise to Alaska, to an emotional low of losing my father. If anyone suspects that God has a unique sense of humour, I suppose this is the evidence to prove it. However, anyone who stops the story right there, and blame God, it will bring grave injustice to our Heavenly Father. The promise I have held since becoming a Christian is the assurance that God is always with me. After all, He is my Shepherd. The weeks of mourning and grieving ushered in an amazing grace of friendship, of people who have taken the trouble and time to walk with me. Such grace is absolutely heartwarming and beautiful. In the midst of sorrow and death, there is joy and hope. Friends and family play a huge role in all of these. God is at work. He works through friends.

A) Don't Miss the Arrival Hall Moment

Friends lift me up during those moments. I remember a dear brother in Christ who went to the airport just to give me a warm greeting after a long 20 hour plane ride. That feeling was priceless. I remember saying things like

"Hey! You do not have to come all the way the airport. Transport is already taken care of."

That will be utilitarian-thinking. Friendship is beyond providing transport, silly me. Am I in the right frame of mind at that time? Am I jet-lagged or am I simply trying to act cool in a hot and humid climate? I guess at that time, I as in no position to judge. After a brief chat and a goodbye, I was on the way home to see the body of my father lying in a casket at home. As the car I was in zips through highway on a 'cool' early morning air, I remember that there is a certain happiness and joy anybody has at the airport. I remember a movie (I forgot the title) that made that exact description of what happens at arrival halls of airports. It is nearly always the case at airports, that people feel that sense of happiness and joy to see loved ones. Any exceptions are few and far between. I observe at people coming out of airport gates. This is what I call the "Arrival Hall Moment."

Mothers hug their children;
Wives smother their husbands with kisses;
Children surround their parents gleefully albeit with expectations of goodies;
Family members let loose tears of joy;
Friends release squeals of delight as they jump and celebrate the happy occasion.
Even the most stoic of people has to surrender a smile or two at some point.

Do not miss the 'Arrival Hall' moment. The King James Bible has a phrase in 1 Peter 1:8: Joy unspeakable.

If there is one word to describe the arrival hall environment, it will be the word 'beautiful.' How else can I paint the human emotions going on during that precious few minutes of seeing one another? I must admit. Even under the most depressing climate of losing a loved one, the joy of meeting family and friends at airports is truly 'joy unspeakable.' Sometimes, denying others an opportunity to help can be plain selfishness.

How silly of me to miss that. Thanks KM.

B) Of Friends Despite Busyness
Online, friends quickly share their condolences with me. God bless their souls. Almost immediately when I publish my dad's passing on Facebook, a few faithful friends will write their condolences online. Every word means so much. Strangely, in times like this, one is tempted to expect all of their online friends to say something. That is downright silly. The world does not revolve around me. People have their own lives. They have their own problems. I have my own burden of mourning to carry. Not everyone likes funerals, so I should not even expect anyone to come to such sad events.

Yet, friends are absolutely essential. I may bravely deny it but they mean so much. On the last day of the wake, my dear friends from my small group brave terrible jams at the border to come and share that moment of comfort. (You know who you are.) Gathering together as an entourage, they come in droves, one after another. It is a small happy gathering in a sombre atmosphere of grief and loss. However, every presence, every smile, every hug and every word of comfort alleviates and assures me that God cares for me. At that moment, there is camaraderie. There is unity. There is love. There is God present in the midst.

C) Gift of Friends and Food
Friends continue to hang on to me, even when am tempted to drown in self-pity and utter sadness. Grieving is a long journey, arduous and painful. I remember crying every morning. With understanding and care, friends walk with me. They talk with me. They embrace me like an ordinary person. I needed that. One memorable moment was a feast when I was staying with a dear family in Christ. My poor appetite at that time does a great injustice over the almost 9 superbly designed and lovingly prepared dishes. The spread is most healthy (Steamed fish with chicken essence). There is local delight, (Hainanese chicken). There is fibre (mixed vegetables). Then there is the food for the occasion: Mooncakes galore.

What more can I ask for? That day, I drink and dine with a grateful heart, refusing to let my lack of appetite affect the moments of joy unspeakable. It is a wonderful lesson for me. A simple meal of friendship and love releases me to see God's grace in its fullness: the gift of friendship.

On Sunday, another friend promptly responded to drive me to his church. God used him and his wife to prepare my heart for worship. That morning, I was able to pour myself out to God to receive comfort from the God of comfort.

D) Friends Who Bless
Two ladies featured prominently during my short time in Singapore. They take on multiple roles. They drive. They cook. They link people up. They ministered to people in their circles of influence, even as they ministered to me. Being able to witness their small little ministry is a blessing in itself. It is a humble demonstration of how God can bless people. through people. In a world where people almost always equate blessings with possessing money and riches, they show me that blessings is not what we receive in terms of possessions, but what we GIVE away in terms of time, care and love. It reminds me of the 'greater' blessing. Far too many people are obsessed with accumulating more things and possessions and label them as God's blessings for them. Haven't they notice that these are but a miserable tip of the iceberg of blessing? The greater blessing is not the greater capacity to receive, but the greater willingness to GIVE and to be CHARITABLE.

For me, I can say that the greater blessing I have received is not the food or the amount of attention. It is the blessing of true friends. It is the blessing of being able to give more than we receive. It is the blessing of being able to bless others much more, to let our personal belongings be utilized by God for the sake of others. Sad are those who keeps their things to themselves and to let them rot at home or in their storerooms. What good is a nice Jaguar or a Lamborghini if they are always locked up in the garage? Exchange them for a few vans that can ferry people around to their fellowships of joy. What good is a fat bank account if they are merely collecting interest for a small family? Convert them into precious resources that others can use. I guess, for me, what good is my knowledge and spiritual wisdom if I were to keep them to myself? Why not share it more regularly and more faithfully each week?

Thanks again my friends. I will continue to blog and write my SabbathWalk commentaries to shine God's glory to all. For this, I have updated my main blog to read as:

"A friend is one of the nicest things you can have,
and one of the best things you can be." (Douglas Pagels)

E) The Ride Home

On my way back to the airport, my friend at the Arrival Hall Moment pops up again. This time, he provides the transport. He exemplifies true servanthood, giving all but expecting nothing in return. He takes the trouble to wake up early to send me to the airport, despite having to run several errands that morning. He prioritizes things in such a way that gives me hope. In our society where busyness seems to be the norm, prioritizing is truly an act of love. I think there is much more. There is friendship unspeakable.

When it comes to true friendship, I learn that true friends are hard to come by. More importantly, it is not the accumulation of the lists of friends that we can boast of. It is the appreciation of who we already have. KM reminds me on that last part of the journey by quoting a saying attributed to Mark Twain:

"It is not what I don't know about the Bible that troubles me, it is what I do know!"

In the same light, it is not the friends that didn't bother to connect with me that 'troubles' me. It is the friends that bother to spend time with me that keeps me grateful. In a nutshell, God has placed specific people at particular times of my life to walk with me. I should not be too concerned about the absence of other people, but the PRESENCE of those who are there for me. These people have their challenges, their problems to deal with, but they choose intentionally to put them aside, and to put their own needs lower than mine. It reminds me of Paul's words:

"Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others." (Philippians 2:3-4, NAS)

Now, do not get me wrong. Just because I elevate some people does not mean I downgrade others. Relationship is not necessarily a zero-sum game. The point is, I have learned that showing love and care has a double benefit. Firstly, it helps others. Secondly, it helps ourselves by freeing us from our tendency to become self-absorbed. The exercise of friendship is an opportunity to do both.

For everyone else whom I did not get to meet up, you will have the benefit of any doubt. Honest. May the Lord truly bless you and keep you and grant you peace wherever you are, in your respective levels of busyness. I pray that in your hour of need, the Lord will send friends to walk with you during your moments of struggle, as He has faithfully done for me during my journey through the dark nights.

Thought: "The spaces between your fingers were created so that another's could fill them in." (Anonymous)

sabbathwalk

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Four Marks of Faithfulness - Part 2

TITLE: Four Marks of Faithfulness – Part II
Written by: Conrade Yap
Date: 6 Sep 2010

Then she said, “Behold, your sister-in-law has gone back to her people and her gods; return after your sister-in-law.”
But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or turn back from following you; for where you go, I will go, and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God.” (Ruth 1:15-16)

MAIN POINT: Last week, I shared about the first two marks of faithfulness: Beyond destination, and beyond moods. This week, I share the other two. The last two marks of faithfulness transcends 'good-old-days' thinking and looks forward to a brave new world.

During my seminary years, we lived like a pauper. We ate unsold bread donated by the bakery. Church friends donated their used items. Practically all our furniture and equipment are second hand items. All of us eat leftovers for lunch, sometimes dinner. Lest readers think we live like a destitute, that is not the case. We are simply more careful with our limited resources. Occasionally we splurge on a nice dinner outside by giving our kitchens a ‘sabbath’ break too. Most of all, we have learned that we do not need a lot of things in order to live a meaningful life. Let me repeat:

“We do not need a lot of things to live on, in order to be happy.”

The next two marks of faithfulness deals with the acts of simple commitment. In other words, faithfulness and commitment that avoids the ‘good-old-days’ thinking, and not afraid of a uncertain future.

A) Mark #3 – Faithfulness Transcends “Good-Old-Days” Thinking
When Ruth was asked to return to her gods and her people, her mother-in-law was concerned about Ruth losing out in terms of possessions and future opportunities. Like it or not, it is always easier for a person to return to her home country, her familiar culture and her society where she can easily blend in and be accepted. It is extremely helpful whether one needs to find a job, a place to live in or even a new soulmate in familiar territory.

Immigrants all over the world struggle with trying to find acceptance in their initial years in their newly adopted country. I have seen how Asian immigrants struggle to make ends meet in places such as Australia, New Zealand, Canada, or other English speaking countries. The rule of thumb is that, for new immigrants, previous experience and qualifications are not easily transferable. Safe to say, for any new immigrant, one needs to be prepared to rough it out, and not to expect kingly treatment just because they carry professional degrees, PhDs, or multiple work experiences. For those who migrated due to marriage, when their spouse dies, they are suddenly left alone in a foreign land and culture like a fish out of water. I have asked many friends before what they will do if their spouses die when they are in a foreign land. Nearly all of them said they will return home to their home countries.

For Ruth, losing her husband looks very much like being left alone in a strange new country. Naomi acts sympathetically and sensitively to Ruth’s needs. She knows that it will be hard for Ruth to adapt. After all, Ruth has every right to make it successful if she return to her gods and her people. It reminds me of how Israel complains ands asks to be returned to Egypt while they are traveling in the wilderness. Memories of the ‘good-old-days’ are so seductive during challenging times.

In a remarkable display of faithfulness, Ruth dismisses all the ‘good-old-days’ stuff. Instead, she embarks upon a brave new commitment to an uncertain future. More accurately, she chooses to be faithful to her marriage commitment, that when she marries, she marries the entire family, not just her husband. This remarkable act of faithfulness explains why a whole biblical book is named after Ruth. It is a great honour indeed. In the world of publishing, even great authors do not have the same reach like the Bible, and to have one’s name on a biblical book is an honour and privilege no money can ever buy. As far as Ruth is concerned, she has learned what it means to remain committed regardless of possessions, reputation or future opportunities. Ruth knows that faithfulness transcends great possessions of material goods.

B) Mark #4 – Faithfulness Transcends Fear of Uncertain Future
When Ruth pledges allegiance to the faith of Naomi’s, she is doing something deeply significant. She effectively rejects her own religion, and adopts the faith of her mother-in-law. In contrast, Orpah, the sister-in-law of Ruth was said to have returned to her land and her gods (Ruth 1:15). It is tempting for Ruth to simply follow suit. However, Ruth has that sense of faithfulness that transcends her previous religious convictions. She lets her love for Naomi, her desire to be faithful overcome any religious prejudices she may have, to accept the Jewish faith.

Ruth has just thrown away her future. It is like handcuffing herself to her mother-in-law’s hand and casting the key away in the wide blue ocean.

Ruth could have remarried as she was still young;
Ruth could have returned to Moab to restart her life as if former life never happened;
Ruth could have just taken Naomi’s advice and run back home.

Fortunately for us modern Bible readers, in Ruth, we have a true example of what faithfulness and commitment looks like: Faithfulness transcends future promises.

Note the word ‘faith’ in faithfulness. This reminds me of the powerful testimony of saints in Hebrews 11. From Abel to Abraham, Jacob to Joseph, Rahab to Ruth, wandering men and women of faith at large, they cling on to their faith, regardless of whether they see their promises fulfilled to them.

“And all these, having gained approval through their faith, did not receive what was promised,” (Hebrews 11:39)

Ruth received the shorter end of the bargain unwillingly when her husband passed away. She embraced an even shorter end willingly when she chooses to follow her mother-in-law. Faithfulness replaces an indefinite future with a definite commitment to a person.

C) Faithfulness as a Follower of Christ
Let me summarize the four marks of faithfulness.
1. Faithfulness transcends destination;
2. Faithfulness transcends moods;
3. Faithfulness transcends ‘good-old-days’ thinking;
4. Faithfulness transcends fear of an uncertain future.

What can we learn from these 4 marks with regards to Christian discipleship? Firstly, Christian discipleship is an act of faithfulness by clinging on to Jesus, regardless of our earthly destinations. Believers of Christ are first and foremost citizens of heaven. Whether we are at home or abroad, or aliens in a foreign land, our citizenship is in heaven. I know of people who cling on to nationalistic fervours relentlessly in the name of patriotism and cultural pride. I do not want to dismiss them. Instead, I want to suggest that unhealthy infatuation with patriotism can turn unruly and unhelpful. Like any culture all over the world, there are good and bad Moravians. There are good and bad Germans. There are good and bad Chinese people. There are also good and bad Westerners. We cannot simply judge a person on their skin colour or country of origin. When our citizenship is in heaven, we learn to see things with a bigger perspective.

Secondly, As a citizen of heaven, we fight against our tendencies to be victimized by our feelings. We aim to do the right thing, whether we feel like it or not. We pledge faithfulness, whether we feel good or not.

Thirdly, as a citizen of heaven, we look at our past with fond memories, but never trapped by good-old-days thinking which can impede our future growth. Take for instance someone who loves the Apple IIe, one of the classic Apple computer products more than 30 years ago. If this person insists stubbornly on using only his Apple IIe everywhere he goes, he would have deprived himself of the latest Apple notebooks, the flashier gadgets which are not only easier to carry but possess greater computing power. A ‘good-old-days’ thinker deceives himself to think that his clunky old Apple IIe can outperform the latest MacBook Pro laptops.

Finally, as a citizen of heaven, we practice faithfulness by braving the future with hope, and fighting any crippling fear of uncertainty. There is no fear in love, for perfect love casts out fear, writes John in his first epistle.

Ruth exemplifies all of these marks of faithfulness. With remarkable courage, she clings on to Naomi and adopts a culture foreign to herself. With passionate pleas, she waylays Naomi’s tears to assure her mother-in-law that she will never leave or forsake her. This she does so honourably not just with words and actions, but her full and total commitment. Now, that is faithfulness.

“When you have come to the edge Of all light that you know And are about to drop off into the darkness Of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or You will be taught to fly.” (Patrick Overton)

Thought: Faithfulness is an adventure not to be missed. Why settle for the mediocre when you can be the best that you can be?

sabbathwalk

Sunday, August 29, 2010

4 Marks of Faithfulness - Part I

TITLE: Four Marks of Faithfulness – Part I
Written by: Conrade Yap
Date: 29 Aug 2010

“And they lifted up their voices and wept again; and Orpah kissed her mother-in-law but Ruth clung to her.” (Ruth 1:14)

[** Today is my (Conrade) wedding anniversary, so I am publishing this issue earlier.]

MAIN POINT: The book of Ruth provides us a laser-sharp focus on the faithfulness of Ruth that we can all learn from. I submit to you the four marks of faithfulness. This will be shared over 2 weeks. This week, I suggest that faithfulness transcends destination and moods.

In the Ancient Near East during biblical times, the lives of women can be very hard. Their sense of identity is strongly connected to the husbands they marry. Their whole livelihood depends on what the men of the family do. This link is often seen in the genealogy of Jewish families. During a census, families are registered based on their family of origin. In most of the genealogies, very few women are listed as part of the family heritage.

A) Amputated Hopes
The biblical book of Ruth begins with promise, of a Moabite family trying to survive a terrible famine in Judah. For some reason, the head of the family, Elimelech died (Ruth 1:3). His two sons who took Moabite wives also died subsequently (Ruth 1:5). In a short terse 5 verses, a family of 6 was reduced by half. All the men died. In such a male-dominated culture, as far as Naomi and her two daughters in law are concerned, their family’s future has taken a turn for the worse, as far as social status is concerned. All three of them are now widows. All three of them lost husbands. They have no children. They have a weak status. They have a bleak future. Their hopes of building a family have been cruelly amputated from them. Despite this situation, the Scriptures record Ruth’s amazing response: ‘Ruth clung’ on to her mother-in-law, Naomi. Instead of drowning herself in her despair, or immersing her plight through depression and regret, Ruth said something that has been quoted, memorized, and treasured by many.

“But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God.” (Ruth 1:16)

This verse represents Ruth’s first words to be recorded. These words form the sub-title of the entire book of Ruth; an expression of what true faithfulness looks like. There are four marks of faithfulness that we can learn from here. The first two deals with vocation and location. It essentially answers the questions: “Where to go?” The next two deals with identity. It answers the question: “Who am I?”

B) Repairing Hope: Four Marks of Faithfulness
Ruth’s remarkable response is a mark of faithfulness. It is a vow of loyalty to her mother-in-law, despite her being given the permission to leave, and to return to her hometown. In a nutshell, Ruth chooses to be faithful. It is volitional. It is motivated from inside, not outside. It is freely offered. Ruth could have opted out of a life of continued misery. Yet, she clings on to Naomi. Ruth knows profoundly what it means to stick together, regardless of destination, of location, of people and of religious convictions.

MARK #1 – Faithfulness Transcends destination
I remember my first time I met my wife. Both of us are born in different countries, and hold different passports. It can be a scary feeling for her when I pop the question:

"If we get married, are you willing to follow me wherever I go?"

I felt most blessed when she said 'yes.' There is no greater feeling then knowing that both of us pledge our faithfulness to each other and to God. Out of this faithfulness, where we go does not really matter. WHO we are with becomes most significant.

For Ruth, her choice of where to go is far more intense. She has lost her husband. She has a choice to look for another. It concerns her entire life. It is like putting down all her chips to follow after her mother-in-law. Faithfulness according to Ruth, is not a matter of where she is going, but WHO, namely her loyalty to her mother-in-law. If we were to ask Ruth, where is she going, all she says will be: "Anywhere my mother-in-law chooses."

This reminds me of the argument between Abraham and Lot which led to their amicable parting of ways. While Lot looked at the place and chose Sodom and Gomorrah, Abraham chose the relationship. He offered Lot the best of choice, but he himself opted for the best of relationships. Wow! This is exactly what Ruth did to. Ruth chose to be faithful to her mother-in-law, and not leave her to struggle alone.

MARK #2 – Faithfulness Transcends Moods
Being human, we are susceptible to choices according to our moods. When we are happy, we laugh. When we are sad, we become downcast. When we are restless, we look for exciting things to do. When we are restful, anything is possible. Sometimes, when we go out with friends, the location matters. I remember a time when we try to invite a friend to join the rest of us for a meal. Upon finding out that we are going to a fast-food restaurant, my friend declined the invitation. He is not into fast-food. I can understand. People who are health conscious tend to avoid fast food places. As a place to eat, I can understand. However, as an opportunity to meet and hang out with friends, I think my friend has missed out. Friends are important. Sometimes, we just have to bite our lip, (or our health choices), and follow along so as to spend time meeting up and renewing our ties with one another. One reason is because we do not know when we will ever see our friend again. We could die tomorrow. Our friend could be leaving the country for good. Anyone of us could have a new job that brings us to a new place at any time.

Ruth knows that when she makes a commitment to Naomi, it means her all, not simply a part. It is regardless of where her mother-in-law chooses to go. Faithfulness is independent of moods, for it transcends location with a pledge to follow Naomi wherever she chooses to go or stay.

If we were to ask Ruth, "How do you feel about throwing away your life by following your mother-in-law?"

I suspect that she will give a sharp rebuttal: "It is not about me or how I feel. It's about following my mother-in-law anywhere she goes."

Sometimes I wonder about marriages and Boy-Girl relationships. Have they become too dependent on new-wave moods rather than old-fashioned faithfulness? Faithfulness to God has a similar trait. On days where I feel exceptionally exhausted, I will be most reluctant to go to Church. Yet, there is something that tells me, it is an act of grace that I go. It is not for the sake of myself. It is a grace extended to the people in the Church. My presence encourages people. My participation aids worship. Faithfulness is a powerful emotion when it is directed toward God.

Faithfulness is not a question of new ways of worshiping God or following Christ. It is despite of whatever contexts we are in, we pledge ourselves to obey God and follow Christ.

A Pause to Comment
Let me pause to comment on one more behavior that faithfulness cultivates on the way. It is where we choose to shine our attention on. It is where we converge our resources. It is who we give our limelight to. It is like a laser-beam of the heart, focusing the rays of love, to cling on to the desire to give the person the best that we can offer. It holds nothing back. It gives up one's selfish ambitions and it keeps the other person more important than self. When this happens, when we learn to be faithful, we find ourselves strangely changed. We discover we are more focused. We realize that we know what we want in life. We are not longer scattered in our thoughts, for our lives are no longer dependent on where to go, or how we feel, but on plain utter faithfulness to God and the people He chooses for us to live with.

One more thing. I suspect that the reasons why we are prone to committing adultery is when our minds are confused and scattered over who we truly love. This is why we must learn to direct our focus to be faithful to God always. Our relationship with fellow people depends very much on our relationship with God.

~~~ To be Continued ~~~

"By faithfulness we are collected and wound up into unity within ourselves, whereas we had been scattered abroad in multiplicity." (Augustine)

Thought: What would you do if you are Ruth? Faithfulness is not related to where we are going, or what location we are living in. Faithfulness to God and to our loved ones is a relationship.

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