Ten Tips For Gracious Living

TITLE: TEN TIPS FOR GRACIOUS LIVING
SCRIPTURE: Colossians 4:6
Written by: Dr Conrade Yap
Date: October 19th, 2014

"Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man." (Colossians 4:6, KJV)

#1 - It's not what you say but how you say it that makes all the difference.

#2 - What good will it be win the argument but lose the relationship?

#3 - Listening is the first step to understanding and the visible posture in humility.

#4 - Ask questions not to find loopholes to manipulate but to find opportunities to encourage.

#5 - Learn to see the spirit of the law instead of the letter of the law.

When Life Gets Tough

TITLE: WHEN LIFE GETS TOUGH
Written by: Conrade Yap
Date: 28 July 2010

“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.” (2 Corinthians 4:8-9)

MAIN POINT: Life is tough, but it should not be allowed to remain that way. Be the light to bring hope to the world.


When I was a young boy, I remember saying something that seems to get my mum’s active agreement: 做人很困难, (translation: Life is tough.) I do not know what prompted me to say that, but it certainly made my mum nod gleefully with pride, that her son is beginning to understand that life is indeed difficult. My parents have gone through tough times. They have encountered bitterness and jealousy within the family. They have been despised upon, spat on, trampled by business associates, friends, and even trusted family members. My father’s bankruptcy many years ago has also given me a taste of how tough life can become. My extended family’s constant bickering over money casts a dark shadow over the history of my various family relationships. Closer to home, the quarrels and the frequent fights that happen under the same roof have made me rather distressed over what a happy family means.

Life is tough. For a young boy who has seen fury in my father’s eyes, and bruises on my mother’s face, a tough life seems to be an understatement. Those were the years of living unhappily. It takes a brain tumor to tame my father’s temper. It takes a jolt of reality to reduce my mum’s nagging. It takes a toll on me as well, as a young teenager of not knowing what a happy family looks like.

This past week, I have been reminded of those troubling teenage years again. The mails that I have received tell me that this world is not well. One faces communication problems with parents. Another is a widower in his 20s who lost his wife recently. He has to raise his young son all on his own. He felt lost. I ask myself, is life for me tougher than this young man? Why must such pain and suffering afflict a promising young life just starting a new family? Frankly, I am left helpless about what to say to this man. I can only pray, and that is exactly what I did.

A) How Paul Toughs It Out

The Apostle Paul is no stranger to suffering. After a time of persecuting Christians, the moment he embraces Christ, Saul the persecutor becomes Paul the persecuted. In the second letter to the Corinthians, the persecutions that Paul experience is nothing compared to the disunity that is occurring in the Churches at Corinth. False teachings have permeated the church so much that Paul feels grieved inside. He knows that such false teachings will lead people astray. One such teaching is the peddling of the Word of God for profit (2 Cor 2:17). He then details how authentic Christian ministry looks like. Paul serves Christ willingly. His focus is so fixated on Jesus that no amount of hardships can crush him. No amount of perplexity can bring despair. No amount of persecution can render him feeling abandoned. Afflictions can strike him, but will never destroy him. This is how Paul toughs it out. Not on his own strength, but by focusing on Christ.

During my teenage years, I have not come to follow Jesus. The way I tough it out is to repeat the mantra: “When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.” It is like saying the problems will resolve by themselves. So why worry? I am surprised myself how I got through those years. Sometimes I wonder how my life will look like if I had followed Christ. Maybe, life is not necessarily easier. It might even be tougher.

B) For Helpers: Three Things to Note

Pain and suffering is something that has baffled many people. One group of people I turn to is the Jews. There is no other suffering that is equivalent to the Holocaust where millions of Jews were persecuted and gassed to death. I am encouraged by the thoughts of Menachem Mendel Schneerson. Out of his reflection on pain and suffering, let me highlight 3 pieces of wisdom I learned. Firstly, those of us who are NOT going through the same pain, should NOT try to explain the suffering. In fact, suffering can never be discussed on a rational manner without it insulting the sufferer. From my research on pain and suffering, it is clear that those who try to explain away suffering can dangerously resemble the unhelpful friends of Job, who not only gave advice, they provided bad advice.

“One must take great care in discussing pain and suffering. . By recognizing that emotional , spiritual, or psychological pain is real, and that no amount of talk can truly relieve it. ” (Simon Jacobson, Toward a Meaningful Life, SF: HarperCollins, 2002, p126-7)

Secondly, understand that the pain can potentially cloud the sufferer’s normal sense of judgment and rationale. Anyone approaching those in pain, ought to give space and grace for that person to express his or her frustrations. Schneerson says:

“Any emotion clouds our rationale, and when it is as powerful as pain, it can consume us, distorting the way we look at ourselves and the world.” (p127)

Knowing that the one experiencing suffering is not able to behave in his normal self does not mean that we are to go and assume we have the right to ‘correct’ him/her. Sometimes we may even need to ask for permission even before we can talk. Pray and seek God. Most importantly, pray for this grieving person(s).


Thirdly, the one suffering undergoes several temptations. They are inclined to challenge God. In their deepest anguish, they may even turn away from God. The Rabbi's advice to the sufferer:

“Perhaps you have been tempted at some point to resign yourself to your pain, to give up your spirit. Your pain may even lead you to turn away from God. But turning away from God means turning away from the very answer to your pain and suffering, thus allowing the pain to victimize you. (italics mine)” (p127)

For those of us wanting to help, make sure that we keep a healthy distance with the sufferer. Even as we give them space to grieve, recognize that they too are vulnerable. We need to discern how we can defend and protect them if necessary. Keep a distance, but do not stay too far away that you cannot catch them when they fall.

C) Concluding Thoughts

This has been a tough issue for me to write. It brings me back to my checkered past. It reminds me of the struggling young widower. It also brings to mind people I care for, who are going through really tough times. Life is tough, but it needs not remain that way. There is Someone tougher than the world’s toughest obstacle. There is Someone who is taller than the tallest challenges. There is Someone who is able to comfort anyone. Let me close with a story.

A Holocaust survivor was not able to carry on life in his teaching profession. He feels helpless and useless. There is too much pain and suffering that he cannot forget. He was given this advice:

“There are no words to console you, but you cannot allow the Holocaust to continue in your life. We are day workers, and our task is to shed light. We need not expend our energies in battling darkness. We need only create day, and night will fade away.” (133)

What a word of wisdom! This reminds me of 2 rooms with a door in the middle separating them. One room is dark, while the other room is brightly lit. When the door is opened, will the darkness from the room bring black gloom into the other? Or will the light from one room shines in onto the other? You know the answer. Light triumphs no matter what. Let us bring light to the world.

This is something that we can ALL do. Bring a word of hope to the hopeless. Offer a hand of help to the helpless. Extend a comforting embrace to brothers or sisters who are in pain. Nothing, absolutely nothing should be able to stop anyone of us (even those who are suffering) from bringing more goodness into this world. Life no matter how tough it is, can never overcome whatever good humans can bring to this world. Let the light from the room of love, care and grace, overwhelm the darkness in the room of pain, disillusionment and suffering. In other words, darkness can never overcome the light. For we are the light of the world, and the salt of the earth. Will you be that candle of hope today?


Thought: When the world says, "Give up," Hope whispers, "Try it one more time." (Anonymous)


sabbathwalk

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Copyright by SabbathWalk. If you use material here in anyway, do acknowledge it appropriately. This devotional is sent to you free of charge. If you feel blessed or ministered to by SabbathWalk weekly devotionals, feel free to forward to friends, or to invite them to subscribe online at http://blog.sabbathwalk.org . You can also send me an email at cyap@sabbathwalk.org for comments or enquiries.

A Lesson Behind Natural Disasters

Title: A Lesson Behind Natural Disasters
Written by: Conrade Yap
Date: 21 April 2010

“Give portions to seven, yes to eight, for you do not know what disaster may come upon the land.” (Eccl 11:2, NIV)

MAIN POINT: The folly of procrastinating on our promises.

On April 14th, 2010, a volcano in Iceland erupted, spewing out tonnes of hot lava and emitting thick dark plumes filled with deadly ash. Many people have already been affected, especially air travel to and from, as well as within Europe. The name of the volcano itself is a tongue twister When I listen to newscasters struggling to pronounce this unusual name, I break into laughter. According to native Icelanders, ‘Eyjafjallajökull ‘ is a six-syllable name that sounds like ‘ai-yah-f'got-my-yogurt.’ Even if we live thousands of miles away from this hard-to-pronounce volcano name, many of us will know friends and loved ones affected by it. Airlines have cancelled flights. Passengers are stranded at airports and many are financially strapped while waiting out the delays. For businesses, the financial losses are mounting. For families, it can be a long anxious wait for loved ones to return. Jokes are already circulating on the Internet about this volcano. Some of the humorous ones are listed below.

• Some in America are accusing Iceland of harbouring a ‘weapon of ash eruption.’
• “Iceland needs cash, not ash;”
• “Iceland’s last wish is for its ashes to be spread all over Europe.”
• “Waiter, there's volcanic ash in my soup. Don’t you know it's a no-fly zone.” (My favourite)

A) A Call to Recognize Future Uncertainty
Jokes aside, the question I want to ponder this week is: “Knowing that our future is so easily shaped by unforeseen circumstances, why procrastinate on doing good works? Why delay in keeping our promises?” This is the essence of the Scripture verse above.The Book of Ecclesiastes belongs to a genre called the ‘Wisdom books.’ The writer refers to himself as the ‘Teacher.’ Some scholars say that the book was written sometime in 940BC, way before the Greek culture reaches the Jews. This means that the 'Teacher' does not have access to Greek literature, which later educated Jews would have possessed. Thus, it is very commendable that at such an early period, that the 'Teacher' can derive such profound insights.

After personally witnessing the futility of pleasure, education, work, riches, even wisdom itself, the ‘Teacher’ bemoans the futility of life in general. Toward the end of Ecclesiastes, the ‘Teacher’ comes one full circle to acknowledge that despite all of these meaningless activities on earth, he is still impressed by the fruits of wisdom (Eccl 9:13). Thus, it is important for us to read Ecclesiastes and contextualize it from beginning to end. The ‘Teacher’ makes several conclusions, one of which is the futility of trying to predict the future. Eugene Peterson renders it as:

“Don't hoard your goods; spread them around. Be a blessing to others. This could be your last night.” (Eccl 11:2, The Message)

Indeed. Today could be our last day. Tonight could be our last night. We will never know until the next day. What we do know is that God gives us sufficient resources to achieve the tasks of today. Tomorrow will worry about itself. What about the present moment? What can we do now?

B) A Call to Redeem the Present Moment
One way to interpret Eccl 11:2 is in terms of diversity of investments. ‘Give portions to seven, yes to eight’ urges us to spread our ventures. Since we do not know which particular asset will bring about a profitable return, why not invest in a few? Even if we do not get good returns on all, at least, we can get some reasonable margins as well as spread out our risks? For investment managers, diversification is a key financial strategy. Do not put all your eggs in one basket. Even non-profit corporations have adopted different modes of ministries. From offline to online outreaches, from paid to volunteer opportunities, they seek to live out their mission with different ways to reach different target groups. They diversify their outreach. In the Church, we have different individuals each having unique gifts. When put together, the Church is enriched for others as well as for self. Behind all of these efforts, is an active urgency toward redeeming our present moments through proper and responsible stewardship. If we do not know the future, that does not mean we cannot redeem our present moment. Make good our present by planting seeds creatively, so that we can bear fruit in the future.

C) The Call To Learn from the Past: To UN-Procrastinate
Another way to understand Eccl 11:2 is to read it doing good in as many ways as possible, and to do it with a sense of urgency. Do not procrastinate. Church people generally desire to do good works and to be a salt and light to the world. The good intentions are there. The big ideas are there. Yet, it is common to see big plans fall by the wayside through inaction, or a lack of urgency. I remember Jesus’ parables that consistently speak about the danger of procrastination. In the Parable of the Ten Virgins, five virgins brought lamps without the oil. The other five brought both the lamps AND the oil. It is the latter five that brought praise from Jesus who called them wise. This theme is repeated in the Parable of the Talents, where the good and faithful servant actively uses his possessions for the good of his Master, instead of simply lazing and waiting. The time to do the right thing is always right now.


D) Do not Procrastinate. Keep Your Promises While You Can.
Disasters often remind us of the end times. Whether there are tsunamis or hurricanes, earthquakes or floods, this latest volcanic eruption reminds us how fragile our world is. It tells us that the best plans of man can be easily delayed, thwarted by an eruption thousands of miles away from where we live. If we know how vulnerable man is to external circumstances, why not do whatever good we can from day to day?

• Why wait until a loved one get cancer before we start to appreciate them?
• Why postpone helping a needy friend until it is too late?
• What good are promises if they are constantly being ‘KIV’ed (keep-in-view), or sitting permanently on our to-do list?

Like stocks and shares. The value of the asset may rise or fall. It is only when we cash them out; we will see the actual money. In some ways, it is similar to human relationships. We can guess at another person’s expectations. We can promise to do something for a friend. We can tell the world that we will ‘keep in touch’ and yet never actually bother to keep in touch. We cover no distance if we do not do what we say. We achieve very little, maybe nothing if we chronically procrastinate from keeping our promises. 

The 1990 hit movie ‘Ghost’ tells a story of two lovers Sam and Molly. For a long time, Molly was the one openly saying ‘I love you’ to Sam. In return, Sam’s typical response is ‘ditto.’ Until the day when Sam was murdered, the deceased Sam in the form of a ghost regretted not telling Molly how much he loved her. That movie alone sparked a ‘I-Love-You’ revolution among many of my friends. It reminds us to cherish one another before it is too late. There is a quip that often speaks of the hypocrisy of Christians. It reads:

A lot of church members who are singing "Standing on the Promises" are just sitting on the premises.

Are we sitting on our premises of procrastination, or are we actively performing our promises? May we be followers of Christ, recognized by our intentional behaviour of keeping our promises to one another, and to God. May these volcano eruptions in Iceland, remind us not to wait, but to keep our promises we have made. I like the Fedex company motto: "Under-Promise, Over-Deliver." Perhaps, we as a Church can do more of that in discipleship of the nations.

One more thing. Even though we do NOT know what disaster will come next, we DO know that Christ will come again. Let that be our motivation to do good works, that we hear Jesus say to us that day: "Well done, good and faithful servant."

Thought: What promises have you made to loved ones and friends? How far are you in fulfilling these promises?

sabbathwalk

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Copyright by SabbathWalk. This devotional is sent to you free of charge. If you feel blessed or ministered to by SabbathWalk weekly devotionals, feel free to forward to friends, or to invite them to subscribe online at http://blog.sabbathwalk.org . You can also send me an email at cyap@sabbathwalk.org for comments or enquiries.