Humility in Service

TITLE: HUMILITY IN SERVICE
SCRIPTURE: Ephesians 4:2-3
Written by: Dr Conrade Yap
Date: Sep 27th, 2015

"2Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 3Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." (Ephesians 4:2-3)

Is it possible to be completely humble? Given our imperfect selves and our natural tendency to be prideful, how then can we ever follow through on Paul's call for us to be humble?

My quick answer: We can't. Not on our own strength that is.

(Credit: ThorstenConsulting)

Humility has been promoted highly at all kinds of leadership conferences. Gurus trumpet it. Writers publish volumes about it. Pastors and preachers regularly mention it over the pulpit. The trouble with humility is that it is elusive and quite difficult to achieve directly. It is an attribute that can only be seen indirectly through various means. The humble will deny he is humble in the first place. The one who claims he is humble is already on the track of pride and arrogance. This is one of life's irony. The more we want something directly, the less we get it. It is like romantic love where a man pursues a girl, only to find the girl running away from him. The moment the man stops pursuing, stops harassing the girl, and begins to do good works to others, the girl would stop running. She would turn around and with piqued interest, find ways to connect with this "nice man." If humility is that desired damsel, we cannot be too overpowering in our pursuit. We need to take a step back and check our own hearts.

• Am I seeking humility for my own sake or for others?
• Am I seeking to be humble in order to gain someone or something for self gratification?
• Am I seeking the humble route because I want to honour Someone?

According to Professor John Dickson of Macquarie University, humility is defined as follows:

"Humility is the noble choice to forgo your status, deploy your resources or use your influence for the good of others before yourself. More simply, you could say the humble person is marked by a willingness to hold power in service of others." (John Dickson, Humilitas, Zondervan, 2011, p24)

In other words, humility comprises three elements: it presupposes the dignity of others; it is a choice; and it is self-deprecation for the sake of others.

On "Chronological Snobbery"

TITLE: ON "CHRONOLOGICAL SNOBBERY"
SCRIPTURE: Ephesians 4:2
Written by: Dr Conrade Yap
Date: August 8th, 2014

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." (Ephesians 4:2)

Things new are not necessarily superior. Things of old are not necessarily better.

I remember years ago the excitement at a school. What was life like 50 years ago? What kinds of fashion or things most defined that generation? The unveiling of the time capsule gave present day people a chance to glimpse at the past. After some searching for the actual location, the time capsule was found. When opened, there were old school uniforms, school magazines, books, newspapers namecards, and old photographs. The purpose of the time capsule was to communicate to future generations the life and culture of the times back then. It is usually a very exciting event as people go "woohs" and "wahs" about how life had progressed over the years.

I suppose a typical time capsule to describe our modern fast-paced Western society would comprise of some electronics, DVDs, picture of an electric car, green initiatives, newspapers, electronic tablets, some website pictures, an iPhone and a Samsung, and anything to represent what 2014 looks like. Perhaps we can include web addresses, the way we communicate, social media, and other creative things we can think of. Generally, when we look from a technological angle, things now are way more advanced than things then. This is evident from movies about some futuristic characters zapping through time to land sometime in a historical past. Like the Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, where the Starship Enterprise had to travel back in time to look for primitive whales in order to save themselves from potential destruction. As the crew traveled 300 years back into the year 1986, they mesmerized earthlings with their advanced communication devices, their technological prowess, and more classy ways of getting things done, like the classic Star Trek "Beam Me Up" effect. As a Star Trek fan, I saw everything from the standpoint of the Star Trek heroes, and becoming amused at the way 1986 people were so "primitive." I lived out a little bit of what CS Lewis had called: "Chronological Snobbery."

On Hearing God's Call

TITLE: ON HEARING GOD's CALL
SCRIPTURE: Romans 1:1
Written by: Dr Conrade Yap
Date: 23 February 2013

Paul, a servant of Christ Jesus, called to be an apostle, set apart for the gospel of God, (Romans 1:1)

It's a great feeling to be called to do something. Many students I know in seminary are powered by that insatiable thirst for deeper Bible knowledge and insights. They spend hours in research. They writes tonnes of papers ranging from Church history to Christian theology, from Christian spirituality to practical faith, from biographies of great Christian leaders to ministry skills development such as preaching, teaching, presenting, and sharing of testimonies. They go deep into the different areas of theological studies, and go wide when it comes to learning how best to present the gospel in an increasingly pluralistic world. Having mingled with many students from North America and beyond, I can say that many begin their theological studies with a clear sense of purpose and mission. A friend of mine once interacted with me about my own sense of calling. He first asks what I am called to do. I said I wanted to be trained and then return to the marketplace, and to live out my faith wherever God has called me to work in. He then continued with the question: "How sure are you?" I replied with a pretty strong sense of conviction. That is history. Here lies the problem. We have become too caught up in the search for the "specific call" of our lives, that we downplay the "general call" God has given us. Many of us know the general call but chooses not to emphasize them. Many of us do not know the specific call, and chooses to fret our lives over it.

Are we lost because we focus too much on the unknown, that we forget about the known?

A) Beyond Simply "God-and-I" Against the World

After several years, it is a common feeling among many of my classmates, that our initial sense of calling and purpose seem a little different from our original understanding. Perhaps, it is because we have become more aware that life is more than 2-dimensions, way beyond just "God and I." Perhaps, we have been exposed to a world that is more complicated than what we have originally thought. Perhaps, we have grown to the point that God's calling is not to be straitjacketed into an individual "What's in it for me?" but what is our role in the Kingdom of God. Perhaps, there are more important questions like:

• What kind of person are you calling me to be?
• How best can I bless the community I am presently in?
• Who are the people that you have placed in my heart?
• What are the gifts and strengths I have? What are the present needs? When is the best timing?

These questions and many more form the pieces of a big jigsaw puzzle of life.  Calling is much bigger in terms of vocational choices, whether in the laity or as a clergy, whether in the secular marketplace, or the spiritual houses of worship. Calling is more than a seven-letter word to analyze and to study. It is a single word focused on asking this basic question: "How is God glorified in this calling of mine, in a community of God, for a clear purpose for God?" If we concentrate too much on our specific call for God, we get sucked into a "God-and-I" mentality that puts the self above the community.

POINT: Calling is bigger than a God-and-I against the world relationship. It involves a community.

B) Beyond Blame

What is calling? It is a big topic. In fact, whole courses have been organized to deal with this one word. For this week, I want to spend some time to reflect on some aspects of calling, in particular, what we are doing with what we know, as we search for what we are yet to know? One of the worst feelings any theological graduate can feel is described by Ben Campbell Johnson as follows:

"We feel like we've been prepared to pastor churches that no longer exist." (Ben Campbell Johnson, Hearing God's Call, Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, 2002, x)

Like a movie scene where lovers run past each other on a beach, churches and seminaries seem to miss each other in matching graduates to jobs. This sentiment is an indictment on churches that have been supporting seminaries for ministry needs. It is also an embarrassment for theological institutions that have not kept up with the needs of the modern church. It frustrates graduates who have entered expensive theological education with high hopes, only to see that reality has to do with the lower octaves of ordinariness instead of high pitches of ministry. If we go on a witch-hunt mode, I guess all parties will have to shoulder some responsibility. If only they have talked and interacted regularly. I suppose there is one good thing to learn from it all. We need to be constantly listening to one another, and to God.  We need a humble heart to learn from one another. If we get so caught up in the "specific call" of our lives, we will tend to hear God from human perspectives rather than God's perspective. In fact, our obedience to the general call of God, is a fair indication of our readiness to obey the specific call when it comes.

POINT: Hearing God's Call Needs Humble Ears and Willing Hearts.

C) Beyond the Quest for Certainty

There are many biblical examples of how people are called in the Old Testament. Abraham was called to leave Ur to go to a place that the LORD will show him (Gen 12:1). Hosea was called to marry a prostitute. Isaiah was called when he responded to God's holiness (Isaiah 6). In all of these examples, at least three things need to happen. First, there is a call. Second, there is a hearing. Third, there is an obedience.

Abraham is called straightaway in Genesis 12:1 to leave his country. Often heralded as a man of faith, the significance in Abraham's response is in his response to God in faith. God had not shown him exactly where to go. God leaves his promise very much in the future tense. "Go to the land I will show you." In contrast, some of us want to know for sure where or what we do, before we take the plunge. Not Abraham. God speaks. Abraham hears. Abraham obeys. Is there anything more complicated than this?

Alas! Our modern world of choices have complicated our sense of calling. We ask all kinds of questions. We agonize over which parish to choose. We crack our minds to distill what is God's call amid the mass of information and choices. Our sense of calling gets mixed up by the many questions, where firm answers are few.  Perhaps, the reason why many people are unable to discern their calling is that they ask all kinds of questions from a lack of focus. After all, a double-minded person will not get a single answer. He gets all kinds of possible answers. It takes a laser-sharp question to unleash a single-minded focus on God's call. It boils down to the question of discipleship. How deep our desire to hear and to obey God's call, is embedded in how deep is our readiness to follow Christ all the way. Beyond the quest for certainty, we must deal with the question of how much we desire Christ in the first place. That is our general call.

POINT: Our call is to Christ. Period.

D) Begin With What We Do Know

When we read about the certainty of these biblical patriarchs and prophets, sometimes, we wish that we can be as sure as them, that we can be absolutely certain that God has called me to do this or to do that. Such a desire is common. Once I asked a group of Christians about how many will obey, if they are sure God has called them. Many hands went up. For many people, it is not a question of whether we are willing to obey or not. It is a question of understanding calling altogether. What is a calling? How do I know I am called? Often times, this question is not something to be discerned alone. It is a communal activity.

My readers, we do not need to be frustrated when we are not exactly sure about what we are called to do. The process takes time. In such a situation, what is most telling about our Christian life, is in our attitude. In wanting to find out the mysteries of God's calling, what are we doing about the CERTAINTIES of God's Word. Mark Twain writes about the Bible,

"It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand." (Mark Twain)

Here is my belief. We need to adopt the attitude of Abraham who was called to leave, and to believe that God will show him where to go. What is needed is the readiness to obey. Most people believe that God's calling is in the Bible. If that is the case, what is needed more is that readiness to obey. Unfortunately, many people are mining the Bible for more Bible knowledge and spiritual information, instead of living out biblical wisdom and cultivating spiritual formation. Begin with what we do know, and trust God to show us the way ahead of us. 

Like the young Samuel, he does not know that the voice he has heard is a call from God. He needed someone like Eli to guide and to show him the way. Instead of giving the young Samuel loads of advice, Eli simply asks Samuel to be ready for the next time he hears the same voice. "Speak LORD, for your servant hears." (1 Samuel 3:10) Samuel is sure about the call, but not sure about the rest. All he needs to do is to listen.

Abraham is not sure about the destination, but he is sure about the call of God to leave. He obeys. Isaiah is sure about the vision of God's holiness. What he is not sure is the exact details of God's call, what to do and where to go. His willing heart to obey matches the call of God. This is what we need. We cannot be trapped in an endless circle of seeking God's call in passivity. We need what I call an active waiting. Active waiting is in obeying the general call of God, and wait for the specific call to show up. Active waiting is in applying the first two stages together.

1. Has God called?
2. Am I hearing?

Concentrating our efforts on the first question can dangerously tempt us toward questioning God irreverently. It shifts the blame toward God. It frees us from any responsibility to do anything in the first place. Moving to the second question is probably the more important question. Perhaps, when we are lost about our own sense of calling, we need to honestly ask ourselves about question #2.

From my reading of Paul's introduction to the Romans, Paul is certain that he is called to be a disciple of Christ. He begins with what he already knows. We too can do the same. Read in this light, our calling is not very different from Paul's initial calling. It is in his obedience to this initial calling that has made all the difference.

Is that not the same as the rest of us who call ourselves followers of Jesus? Set apart for the gospel of Christ. Is that not similar to our own sense of calling? One helpful way to understand calling is in terms of a general or specific call. The general call is for us to honour God, to lift Jesus higher everywhere we go, and to obey the prompting of the Spirit in all circumstances. We are called to follow Jesus all the way. We are called to be the holy people of God. Unfortunately, many people are stuck with the second question. This has led to the unfortunate case of one forgetting the general call in the quest for the specific call. More often than not, the specific call is clarified as we all pursue the general call well.  Here is what I suggest. As long as we are focused on obeying Christ, whether it is a general or specific call, whether it is managing a huge organization, or making coffee as a servant, whether it is a high profile role, or a lowly unseen role, our goal is in glorifying Christ. When this happens, something special happens inside us.

• "Where am I called to serve?" BECOMES "Lord, help me be faithful where I am now, and be ready to serve you in another place when you call."
• "What role am I called to serve in?"  BECOMES "Lord, help me not to be distracted by what role I play, but to serve in that role with all my heart."
• "Who am I called to be?" BECOMES "Lord, help me be pure and holy in your sight, to be God-pleasers more than man-pleasers." 

Many of us are not as Christ-focused as we need to be. As we get caught up more and more with the quest for our specific call, we unwittingly lose our grip on our general call more and more. Focus on the clear parts of Scripture, and trust God to show us the rest in due time. When the time comes for God to reveal his specific call for us, our practice in the general call will have prepared us in heart, in mind, and in spirit. When that happens, hearing God's call is a no-brainer.

THOUGHT: "Men compare themselves with men, and readily with the worst, and flatter themselves with that comparative betterness. This is not the way to see spots, to look into the muddy streams of profane men's lives; but look into the clear fountain of the Word, and there we may both discern and wash them; and consider the infinite holiness of God, and this will humble us to the dust." (Robert Leighton)

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Copyright by SabbathWalk. This devotional is sent to you free of charge. If you feel blessed or ministered to by SabbathWalk weekly devotionals, feel free to forward to friends, or to invite them to subscribe online at http://blog.sabbathwalk.org . You can also send me an email at cyap@sabbathwalk.org for comments or enquiries. Note that views expressed are personal opinions of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of any organization.

Humble Listening

TITLE: HUMBLE LISTENING
SCRIPTURE: James 1:19-21
Written by: Dr Conrade Yap
Date: 2 August 2012

"My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you." (James 1:19-21)

MAIN POINT: The debate on homosexual unions or marriages continue to create huge reactions from many parties. In this article, I reflect on why people are so easily heated in their discussions.

(Credit: Baptist Press)

This is the third week of the Chik-Fil-A controversy. All over the Internet, there has been a uproar over the words of the President of a fast food restaurant, Chik-fil-A. On July 16th, 2012, in an interview with the Baptist Press, Dan Cathy is reported to have said:

"We are very much supportive of the family -- the biblical definition of the family unit. We are a family-owned business, a family-led business, and we are married to our first wives. We give God thanks for that. 

"We operate as a family business ... our restaurants are typically led by families; some are single. We want to do anything we possibly can to strengthen families. We are very much committed to that," Cathy emphasized.

"We intend to stay the course," he said. "We know that it might not be popular with everyone, but thank the Lord, we live in a country where we can share our values and operate on biblical principles."

The article has also been given a provocative title, "Guilty as Charged." The big subject is marriage, increasingly connected to gay marriage as well. Any mention of this subject will immediately cause individuals to draw the line. People are up in arms, with views both for and against Dan Cathy and Chik-Fil-A. For some, it means loading their verbal cannons or intellectual armoury to aim at anyone opposed to their personal views. When tempers are charged up, any reason is good enough to be used as bullets or attacks on the opposition. Besides stoking controversy, anything about "gay marriage" is poised to be divisive. Politicians have weighed in with their opinions, even suggesting that the restaurant be denied permits to open restaurants. Such a move is a blatant discrimination against the freedom of speech and religion. Yet, I notice that the arguments for/against the stand of Dan Cathy arise mostly out of emotional outbursts. Just take a look at any side, you will see passionate display of support for/against their viewpoints. This is not simply about Christians vs non-Christians. Even among Christians, the issue has split churches. In every single denomination, this one single issue of homosexuality has led to painful separations of the people of God. Both sides claim they have biblical support. Both sides claim their rights to free speech and the right to exist as they are. Of course, in many cases, both sides will claim to one another that no one has a right to preach to them, or to tell them how and how not to live. Even theological seminaries are divided, or at least faculties among them having diverse opinions about the homosexual issue.

I want to take this opportunity to do some humble listening. I use the following questions to guide the discussion. Why are the reactions to a personal statement of faith so sensitive to public ears? What makes a simple statement of biblical faith so repugnant in the eyes of many in the public?

A) No Longer Just Personal or Private

The culture has shifted. Just a few decades ago, it is completely normal for Cathy to say what he said, and people just accepted his words as his personal opinion. After all, Chik-Fil-A is a privately held company. Moreover, he expresses his opinions not on some major national news network like ABC, CNN, or FOXNews, but on a Christian news press. Yet, the naysayers are plenty. Why is that so?

It used to be the case where if anyone wants a copy of a publication, a subscription is needed. Then there is a wait time for the printed material to arrive in the mail. All of these can take weeks. By then, the main views and opinions will be from experienced reporters or readers who have early releases of these publications. The time gap gives people a chance to slowly read and think through the implications of the reports.

The Internet has changed all that. Whatever that has been reported are no longer just private to a local concern. It has become public on a global scale. News are no longer limited to printed paper on slow mail. It travels at electronic speed, and is quickly available on many modern electronic readers like iPads, smartphones, and computers.

B) Why the Intense Response from Both Sides?

When I read about the rather ridiculous calls for boycott or support for the restaurant, and the way that politicians have tried to garner majority support for themselves, I cannot help but ask why the heightened passions. Why is this issue so controversial? In a thoughtful article, the extremely popular blogger, Rachel Held Evans has made a strong case for both sides, with her words, "I get it. I really do."

Why are groups so ready to boycott Chik-Fil-A over Dan Cathy's words? Similarly, why are some Christians so pumped up to rally their faithfuls to eat more chicken from Chik-Fil-A? Why the intense responses from both sides? This again points to a case of a divided Christian public. I know of many Christians who are ready to disagree in public with their fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, over this single issue. I am on some closed discussion groups that talk passionately in terms both pros and cons for BOTH sides. Mind you, they can get ugly, even among well meaning Christians.

The problem balloons with some people who make statements like, "There is no such thing as right or wrong." If that is true, then how do we explain the intensity? Surely, these people, whatever the camp, firmly believe that they are right. Otherwise, why are they using words and emotions with such high levels of passion?

C) We Are Not Listening Enough

The words from Paul says it clearly. "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." Instead, some of the Youtube videos and social media postings seem to suggest the reverse. Many are quick to become angry, fast in their speaking and immediate rebuttals, and painfully slow in listening. In fact, many of us are guilty of only listening to what we WANT to listen. This stance puts us dangerously in a position of putting words in the mouths of others. By stating our own views too quickly, are we loving another person when we fail to listen, to paraphrase, or to clarify why they say what they said?

I feel sad. We have failed to be slow to speak. We are guilty of being too ready to cast the first stone. We are not listening enough.

D) We Are Not Humble Enough

It is no secret that all of us have a right to our own opinions. It is also public knowledge that we are not to impose our views on others. Sadly, errors have been committed on both sides not only with regards to a pathetic lack of listening, we have judged one another and misjudged the others far more readily and irresponsibly. For all our "right words" or "right arguments," there is no excuse for a "wronged brother/sister in Christ." We can feel as if we have all the right arguments, and yet be utterly wrong in our approach. We can claim to be speaking out in truth and in love, but the fact is, our passionate responses only reveal how bigoted we ourselves are. When we are too quick to shoot off the hip, we similarly shut down others unwittingly. We give ourselves an authority certificate, issued personally, to be used as legitimate weaponry against others. How foolish we are to do that.

We are not humble enough. If if doubt, try this quick test. When you find your tempers inside you rise, just ask: "Why are you so quick to become angry?" Perhaps, that is a good test of pride and how humble you are. "Guilty as charged" is not just Dan Cathy's confession. It is ours too.

E)  We Need More Humble Listening

For all the naysayers, we can still be humble enough to listen not to the angry words at the surface, but the hurting person under the surface. Let me suggest learning to listen in the following way. Behind every word and every sentence, there is a person that God loves. The position they hold is secondary. The person they are, is primary. Listen not only to what they say, but be sensitive to what they are not saying. Behind each angry word, they can very well be a hurt past, or a painful experience. Behind each point made from either side, there is a reason we need to appreciate, and to understand. If we fail to understand why the person has said what he has said, we have no right to let our emotions rise to the next level.

Here is my tip on humble listening.

1. H - Hearing.
   When we listen, do not just listen to the words, but sense the underlying emotions and circumstances the person is in. It has been said that "Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say." We need to hear people out carefully, even if it means at the cost of our views not getting heard.
2. U - Understand
   Have we practised trying to understand others more, before we speak? Carl Jung has said, "Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves." Perhaps, we all need to learn to understand better, including understanding ourselves first.
3. M - Mull
   Take time to mull over the words you hear. Do not be too quick to judge what you hear or what people say. Take time. Give people space to express themselves. Perhaps, after mulling, we will be less emotional about ourselves, but more open to understand and to constructively engage one another.
4. B - Breathe
   Breathe in slowly and intentionally. When we take quick breaths, we pent up emotions and allow angry emotions to accumulate. Manage your breathing. Smell the flowers. Take a short walk.
5. L - Learn
   One common reaction is that people are more ready to "teach others" instead of "learning from others." What if we all tell ourselves not to assume we already know, but put ourselves in a position to learn from what we hear?
6. E - Empathize
   Behind every opinion is a person. Learn to empathize with the person you are hearing, especially the one you seem to be "strongly against." 

Let me close with two stories from the desert fathers tradition. In the first story, the early century monk, Abba Isidore was once asked about why demons are so afraid of him. He replied: "Ever since I became a monk I have tried never to let anger rise as far as my mouth." 


The second story is about a conversation between two desert monks, Abba Joseph and Abba Nisteros. Abba Joseph asked Abba Nisteros, "What should I do about my tongue, for I cannot control it?" Abba Nisteros then replied, "When you speak, do you find peace?. . . If you do not find peace, why do you speak? Be silent, and when a conversation takes place, prefer to listen rather to talk."

Let not anger rise too quickly. Instead be quick to give listening a VIP seat. Then let "slow to speak"occupy the front seats. Finally, tell "anger" that you have no more tickets for your personal theatre.


THOUGHT: Being humble is not simply thinking more of others and less of ourselves. It is thinking lovingly about others, and appropriately about ourselves. This we do with being mindful of Christ, always.


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Copyright by SabbathWalk. This devotional is sent to you free of charge. If you feel blessed or ministered to by SabbathWalk weekly devotionals, feel free to forward to friends, or to invite them to subscribe online at http://blog.sabbathwalk.org . You can also send me an email at cyap@sabbathwalk.org for comments or enquiries.

On Tension and Humility

TITLE: ON TENSION & HUMILITY
SCRIPTURE: Ephesians 4:29
Written by: Dr Conrade Yap
Date: 26 July 2012

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (Ephesians 4:29)

Serve One Another
(Credit: http://christians-in-recovery.org)

One of the biggest struggles Christians have is the ability (or inability) to hold two opposing views in tension. Whatever the issue, some see the right or wrong so clearly that they leave no room for alternate interpretation. The other extreme is equally true. Often triggered by a reaction to its opposing viewpoint, this view sees the same issue from the lens of Self-Importance. The sad state of many Christian discussion groups is that they have practiced a warped version of Ephesians 4:29. More often than not, instead of "building others up according to their needs," they are essentially puffing themselves up according to their pride.

A) When People Disagree

Few people are able to hold both views in tension, to boldly attempt to see both the pros and cons of both perspectives. Even fewer are able to wait patiently to see God's perspective not just on the issue, but our role in bridging the gap and loving people more than our own pet arguments. When the arguments are hot, this a gentle and forgiving attitude is hard to find. In the hurry to make our views known, we unwittingly put down our brother/sister's equally legitimate points. For example, after a politically correct "I know what you mean BUT,  ....." the rest is essentially parading one's convictions, one's opinions, and sometimes an entire treatise of one's philosophy or theology.


Perhaps, this is one of the flaws of any society that prides itself as being efficient and effective. Not getting a result or an answer by a certain set time seems more like failure. If time and tide waits for no man has a debate equivalent, it will be, "my time and my tide seems more important that other people's time and tide." Call it a disease of the individualistic society. Call it a self-seeking paradigm that is so pervasive in society. Call it selfishness that puts one's own interest above others.


B) The Opposite of Love


This week, I completed a review of a soon to be published book, "The Fruitful Wife." As a pastor, I deal with so many different kinds of people, that I am learning to be open to reading on materials that also concern my congregation. Even though that book has been written with the female gender in mind, I find the principles very applicable to all. In it, the author Hayley DiMarco asks: "What is the opposite of love?"


The answer is not hatred. Neither is it unlove. It is selfishness. In the book, DiMarco allocates a chapter each to the nine attributes of love in Galatians 5. The first fruit of the Spirit is love. In contrast, she mentions an equivalent fruit of the flesh to accompany the biblical nine. The first fruit of the flesh is this: Selfishness.

C) Selfishness: It's Much Nearer Than You Think

It's Much Nearer Than We Think

The premise of this is simple. Love is the foundation of the fruit of the Spirit. This foundation is not built upon the kingdom of self. It is upon Christ, who loves us so much that He gave, over and over again. Without love, 1 Corinthians 13 declares that we are nothing. Using the 1975 pop song by the Nazareth group, "Love Hurts," DiMarco affirms that love does hurt, in particular, ourselves. Her rationale is that love hurts ourselves first is because love demands we become lesser, and that others become greater. She writes:

"The truth is that love does hurt our selves, because love, if purely lived, strips us of all our self-interest, self-promotion, and self-protection." (23)

This is an important understanding. Some of us may dispute the literal opposite of love being selfishness. Yet, I think the essence of love is precisely this: That we see lesser of ourselves, and more of others. Pure love is desiring after the better interests of others, for others, and with others. There are ample biblical support for this. See the references below.

• "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:13)
• "Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." (Philippians 2:4)
• "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (Ephesians 4:29)

Note how Paul talks about our speaking to help others up rather than help ourselves first. See how we are urged to build others up and not puff ourselves up with self-knowledge and self-understanding. See how intent he is in meeting the needs of others, and not trumpet our own pet thoughts and selfish desires. Moreover, the other-centered practice of Christian spirituality is not something we can do on our own strength. We need God. Do you remember the texts prior to Jesus' call for us to love one another? Before there is John 15:17, there is John 15:5.


For the Lord Jesus has taught us:

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." (John 15:5)

Perhaps, we can use a metaphor for our tendency to imagine things. Selfishness is like our side mirrors of our car. Objects typically are closer than what we see. We are more selfish than we think. The more selfish we are, the more difficult it is to go through a detoxification process.

D) Time With God

One of the most important marks of a Christian is how they are spending time. In fact, the quality of one's relationships with people, is heavily linked to the quality of one's relationship with God. Otherwise, we learn from all the wrong sources. We deceive ourselves. We behave badly. When that happens, we can easily become big-headed or prideful for our own good. That is when we need to release some intellectual puffiness under the cautionary, "Oops. I may be wrong." 


One more thing. Someone has said that humility is not thinking less of ourselves, but thinking of ourselves less. In a way it is true, but it needs to go farther. John Dickson, in his excellent treatise on humility, has this wise words that we can learn from.

"Humility is the noble choice to forgo your status, deploy your resources or use your influence for the good of others before yourself. More simply, you could say the humble person is marked by a willingness to hold power in service of others. " (John Dickson, Humilitas, Zondervan, 2011, 24)

Note the three things. We need to be willing to let go of our own selfishness. We then learn to use whatever we have for the benefit of others. That is essentially putting Ephesians 4:29 to practice.


Humility readies us to start looking toward seeking the better of others instead of self. It makes us realize that by ourselves, we are always tempted to look inward and become selfish. When living and interacting with others, we are disciplined to look outward and learn unselfishness. This is particularly important when it comes to time alone with ourselves. Are we using that time to walk with God, to sense what God is speaking to us? I tweeted a few days ago, that if someone claims to love God with all their hard, why are they then only spending time with God in their SPARE time? Have we consciously or unconsciously depended on our own strength for our own good? The evidence is telling. Pop up our schedules. Are they in line with our public proclamation of our priorities? Look back over the day. What is the first thing you do when you wake up? Who is the first person you greet? Have you given thanks?


THOUGHT: "The only humility that is really ours is not that which we try to show before God in prayer, but that which we carry with us in our daily conduct." (Andrew Murray)


sabbathwalk

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